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Scott R. Kurtz

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"Yeah, humans are pretty cool, but if you hang out with them too long, they start treating you like a mascot."
PvP, Wednesday, December 13, 2000

Scott R. Kurtz

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I meet a lot of people, dude, and I've never been star-struck, but I met Scott and I was like, "Hi Scott - my name is durrrh" He was like, "Are you alright, dude?" and I was like, "Yeah - I mean, my name's Chester and I think you're great, I just wanted to tell you" I felt like a total schmuck! He was like, "Well, are you in a band or what?" and I was like, "Yeah, I'm in a band called Linkin Park" and he was like, "You just played today, right?" and I went, "Yeah" and he went, "I've heard real cool things about you - good luck!" and I was like, "Nargggh" And I mean, when I met him, I was in the middle of talking to the bass player from Green Day and these bands are like of the same calibre, but talking to the bass player from Green Day, I was totally comfortable - "Yeah, dude, what's up, man? It's cool to meet you!" - and here comes Scott and I'm like, "Urrrgh!" I don't know why - maybe I'm gay!

Chester Bennington

"Forgive my parental panic. I tend to get a little nervous when you're not in my immediate line of sight these days."
"Oh yeah? How long do you think that's going on for?"
"Not long. Five, maybe six years."
"I plan to let you start dating when you're thirty, if that helps."

Cassandra Clare

Some friends of mine asked me if I wanted to go to a strip club, and I didn't...want to go. But I ended up going, 'cause—back me up on this, fellas—once you've seen one woman naked, you...pretty much wanna see the rest of 'em naked. It can be an old biker chick, you know they're gonna hang down to here. "Wanna see my titties!?" "Yeah, I do!" [cringes] "All right, that's enough, roll 'em back up, sweetheart!" [imitates her rolling her breasts back up and sealing them in place.] The things that make you go [shudders]

Ron White

This year, I was cool for 2 seconds of my life. I got to fly with the Airforce Thunderbirds. They called me out of the blue, and said "How would you like to fly with us?" And I'm like "You got the right number?" "Yeah, Bill Engvall, you stand for what America stands for. Be an honor to have you fly with us." And I'm like "I'd be an honor to fly iwth 'ya." "Well, we gotta get you clearance from the Pentagon." I went "Well, I'm screwed."

Bill Engvall

"We don't get telly round our way, sir"! "Yeah, we hang you buggers round our way, we do"... "No, we all came on the same coach, sir"... "Norwich, that's us, sir." There's a bloke on the fifth row going "You're gonna die now, sir, you are!"

Lee Evans
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