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I like to start off by telling you some great news. I got approved for a new reality show. It's an Extreme Makeover show for middle-aged lesbians, called "This Old Bull-Dyke". We already have a sponser too. Wolverine Steel-Toed Boots has picked it up. We originally had another name for it, but the censors nixed it. It was originally going to be called, "Pimp My Muff!"

 

Ron White

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FOX is developing a new reality dating series called Playing it Straight, in which a female contestant will date 14 bachelors, some of whom are gay, and some are straight. The show was originally called The Tina Fey College Experience.

 

Tina Fey

 

The Pythagoreans called the monad "intellect" because they thought that intellect was akin to the One; for among the virtues, they likened the monad to moral wisdom; for what is correct is one. And they called it "being," "cause of truth," "simple," "paradigm," "order," "concord," "what is equal among the greater and the lesser," "the mean between intensity and slackness," "moderation in plurality," "the instant now in time," and moreover they call it "ship," "chariot," "friend," "life," "happiness."

 

Iamblichus of Chalcis

 

"After coming back to the show, I was shocked at how much thought and distillation he personally puts into the script," [Stephen Colbert] says, "that care and unbelievable work ethic, and ability to consume information, digest and distill a story. He's telling us that this is the mechanics of the human interaction, and this is the actual message of the story."
Colbert says Stewart's intelligence (the host can read books and script pages at lightning speed) can't be overstated, and that the show's mojo comes from stories Stewart brings to light that the traditional media fail to report.
"He's naming what seems most ridiculous about the news, which is the personalities and the news itself," Colbert says. "It's only the overt game that's being reported."

 

Jon Stewart

 

The fans are great, you know, I have to tell you a story. After E?, I immediately go into interviews and other meetings. I get a phone call from my son, who is now 16 years old, telling me, "Dad, you're famous. You got all these things on the web!" And I'm, like, "You're kidding me!" I didn't know what was going on. And we had all these fansites and all this information floating around. They called it the Reggielution and they called me the Reggienator. It was pretty fun.

 

Reggie Fils-Aime

 

"Can you tell me the time of the last complete show?"
"You have the wrong number."
"Eh? Isn't this the Odeon?"
I decide to give a Burtonian answer.
"No, this is the Great Theatre of Life. Admission is free but the taxation is mortal. You come when you can, and leave when you must. The show is continuous. Good-night."

 

Robertson Davies