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"At 10:00 PM, I drove my bronco back to Birdman's real estate / I jumped over his fence after dark / I picked up a brick and shattered Birdman's window pane / Birdman sighted me doing it and reached for his pistol / Suddenly I jumped back in my bronco and took off like O.J. Simpson" - Birdman Kicked My Ass"

 

Wesley Willis

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Tranquilizer in tha trunk put yo ass to sleep man, Birdman Junior got the world in my wingspan.

 

Lil Wayne

 

Fresh out tha bank, it’s the Birdman Junior, street university, teachers put away yo school books.

 

Lil Wayne

 

Buck 60 on the dash, Imma to do two. Captain Crunch these niggas is Froot Loop. That's why your girl wanna f**k me and my group too. And Imma make her back it up like shoop shoop. I'm the Birdman Junior I gotta do Coups. I hop out that mother f**ker hollering 'Soo Woo!'

 

Lil Wayne

 

"No no, Jock…we're going to push him out of a window. Your bedroom window, I think. Yes, and we'll undress him first and say that he was making advances to you and jumped out of the window in a frenzy of thwarted love."
"I say, Charlie, really, what a filthy rotten idea; I mean, think of my wife."
"I never think of policemen's wives, their beauty maddens me like wine."

 

Kyril Bonfiglioli

 

Have you heard about the kid who lost his head at Six Flags? The first time I read it, I thought, "Oh my God...How can I make this funny for everybody?"...Here goes. What happened was, he was in a church youth group and he lost his hat during the roller coaster. Afterwards, he was like, "I'm going to go get my hat." And there was a big fence with signs that said, "Hey, cut your losses." And he was like, "What? Have you SEEN me in that hat? Not today, fence!" So, he climbed that fence, and then there was another fence with a sign that probably said, "Hey, come on, knock it off." He was like, "You can't tell me how to live, signs!" And he climbed over that fence and there, the story ends. Did he get the hat? I'd like to think he did. That small silver lining, "Hey, I got my hat!" Then whack, right then! And I know he was on a church youth group and they don't believe in evolution, but that kid was going to get picked off sooner or later.

 

Daniel Tosh