Sunday, December 16, 2018 Text is available under the CC BY-SA 3.0 licence.

Zach Galifianakis


Greek-American comedian, actor and writer.
Zach Galifianakis
I failed kindergarden because I couldn't spell my last name.
Galifianakis quotes
I want to combine the NAACP with Mothers Against Drunk Driving. It's called Mothers Against the Advancement of Colored People.
Galifianakis
The Forgetful Vegan: Man that sure was some good pepperoni pi-Oh Fuck!




Galifianakis Zach quotes
The only time it's ok to yell out 'I have diarrhea' is when you're playing Scrabble...because it's worth a shitload of points.
Galifianakis Zach
I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are so very mean.
Zach Galifianakis quotes
You shaved your head for V For Vendetta. Did you also shave your V for Vagina? (to Natalie Portman)
Zach Galifianakis
This is my impression of a Southern woman. "Tsk, I am so mad at the Taliban right now!"
Galifianakis Zach quotes
When you look like I do, it's hard to get a table for one at Chuck E Cheese.
Galifianakis
If you love Barry Manilow, you're gonna love the Insane Clown Posse. Love them. They're exactly... well, they're not exactly alike, but they're a little bit alike.
Galifianakis Zach
When I was a kid, I had dyslexia. I would write about it in my "dairy."
Zach Galifianakis
My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.




Zach Galifianakis quotes
That was some really great "fatcting".
Zach Galifianakis
At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
Galifianakis quotes
I was named after my grand dad. Yes, my full name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis.
Galifianakis Zach
Did you ever wake up with an erection...and then you realize you're just in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!"
Galifianakis Zach quotes
I call my balls the bush twins.
Zach Galifianakis
The only good time to say I have diarrhea is during a game of Scrabble, because it's worth a shitload of points.
Zach Galifianakis quotes
I wear a lot of Axe body spray, but I live in a black neighborhood. Over there, they call it Ask body spray. If you don't get that joke, then you're not racist.
Zach Galifianakis
Whenever I'm with a woman I whisper softly into her ear, "Will you touch my vagina...?" and she's like, "What!?" and I'm like, "That's what you're supposed to say."
Galifianakis Zach
Growing up my dad was like "Zach, you have a great last name: Galifianakis, Galifianakis. Begins with a 'gal', ends with a 'kiss'". I'm like "That's great, Dad. Can we get it changed to 'Galifiana-fuck' please?"


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