Simon Amstell
English comedian and television presenter.
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Simon Amstell: So Penny, you used to do a fashion column for the Daily Mail, didn't you?
Penny Smith: Yes I've done many strange things in my time.
Simon Amstell: So what does one wear to a lynching?
I like everything. You know everything? I like it. You know all books? I like them all.
Hello, 50 Cent here. People say my music is gratuitously violent and misogynistic - but what they don't realise is that I'm just talking about where I'm from. And where I'm from, everybody's a vile millionaire rapper and all woman are rubbish sluts.
Donny Tourette: This is what I think of you. (fondles crotch)
Simon Amstell: Really? You think of me, a small penis? Well I never.
Penny Smith: Spitting... it would never happen on GMTV.
Simon Amstell: Nothing happens on GMTV.
If you have some problem in your life and you need to deal with it then use religion it's fine. I use Google.
From all of us here, whichever religion you are, remember, only one can be right, so...let's have a war! Happy Christmas!
You just threw cheese at Sam & Mark. Don't you think they've suffered enough?!
Jordan's third favourite tit and second favourite twat - it's Peter Andre!
Simon Amstell: She would. Or kill me and make it look like suicide
Come on, people, it's fucking Christmas!
(about Bonnie Tyler being slightly tipsy on Nevermind the Buzzcocks) "Shall we pump her stomach? I don't know what to do!"
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