Maddox
George Ouzounian is the owner of The Best Page in the Universe, a satirical website.
"If you got caught screwing around on the job, you'd probably get fired, and so would I. Why should he get away with it?" (on Bill Clinton)
"It's every man's dream to have a penis so large that he must hire a small boy to carry it."
"4 example the other day i saw a black person walking down the street and i was like "omg a negro" but instead of walking on the other side i said "what would rumsfeld do?" so i stayed on the sidewalk. when he came up to me i wanted to show him that i have no problems with people of color so i said "hey" and offered him my spare change before he could even ask."
"What the hell is "partly cloudy" supposed to mean? When is it not partly cloudy? ... Just tune into a weather forecast. Chances are you'll hear the phrase at least 3 or more times."
"What are the odds that a simple geometric folding of a $20 bill with elements of design that were conceived in 1928 by a committee of treasurers, a full 42 years before the World Trade Center even existed, could accidentally contain a representation of both terror attacks? Pretty good, apparently."
"There are very few people who look good in red lipstick, and those people usually juggle for a living."
"Finally when the movie started, I thought the bullshit ads were over, but no. First thing they showed was a "coke break" sponsored and produced by coke. [...] I paid $7 for a movie, NOT FOR BULLSHIT ADVERTISEMENTS."
"The next person's phone I hear set to Vivaldi is going to need a hydraulic pump to pry their phone out of their ass."
(introduction) "This page is about me and why everything I like is great. If you disagree with anything you find on this page, you are wrong."
"No, I'm not a democrat or a republican. I'm just a guy who's tired of the bullshit."
"President Bush withdrew from the Anti-Ballistic Missile treaty. Good I say, global stability was getting to be a pain in the ass."
"Note that the name of the show is 'Trippin' ' and not 'Tripping' because the addition of the letter 'g' would not be consistent with the views of MTV's urban youth demographic who tend to frown upon linguistic formalities such as proper enunciation. I mean, proper 'nunciation, yo!"
"Kenley is alleged to have sexually assaulted her eleven-year-old stepson, then ditched out on bond. The FBI says Kenley has ties to Arkansas. Talk about trying to find a needle in a hay stack."
"It was like Rambo sent them all Christmas cards, but instead of cards it was murder."
"The next time you ask someone how their day is going, expect, no, DEMAND a response. Don't settle for good. Demand the truth. Make them admit that they're having a shitty day, and then do your best to make it worse."
"i hope that earns me some eprops (proper recognition in an electronic form lol) LOL LOL LOL!!!"
"For example, the cover on the right depicts Lobo (also known as "the main man") kicking Santa's ass. Santa did something to piss Lobo off (or nothing, it makes no difference), and Lobo RUINED HIS SHIT."
"I've only had one dream in my life with kids in it that didn't involve me gnawing my feet off, and it had to do with kids doing my laundry."
"If people who look different don't necessarily think differently, which they don't, then aren't they essentially discriminating against them by "embracing" them as being "diverse"?"
"This sounds like the soundtrack of a coma." (On U2's song One Step Closer)