Friday, December 15, 2017 Text is available under the CC BY-SA 3.0 licence.

Jay London


American stand-up comic whose one-liner jokes made him a favorite on NBC's second and third seasons of Last Comic Standing.
Jay London
I slept with this girl, and in the morning I asked her if she wanted breakfast in bed. She said one pig in the blanket was enough.
London quotes
My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.
London
After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, because we all have nicknames. So I named my private part Pride. It's not much, but at least I have my Pride.




London Jay quotes
You might recognize me, I'm the fourth guy from the left on evolutionary chart.
London Jay
You know what burns me? Matches.
Jay London quotes
Let me move over here. (Jay would then move barely a few inches to the left or right. He generally repeats this a few times per show)
Jay London
I dated a partially nude model, and she did a half-assed job.
London Jay quotes
I saw a stationery store move.
London
It'll be over soon, miss.
London Jay
I model irregular clothing.
Jay London
I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.




Jay London quotes
Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.
Jay London
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
London quotes
I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds. 14 people showed up, it was overcast.
London Jay
My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless.
London Jay quotes
Flowers for $25.00, reluctant. Wining and dining for $150.00, catastrophic. Trying to get on first base, unattainable. For everything else there's Masturbate.
Jay London
I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.
Jay London quotes
My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.
Jay London
Thank you.
London Jay
I was born nine months premature.


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