Thursday, October 31, 2024 Text is available under the CC BY-SA 3.0 licence.

James Howell

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There's fence against all things except death.

 
James Howell

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Have you heard about the kid who lost his head at Six Flags? The first time I read it, I thought, "Oh my God...How can I make this funny for everybody?"...Here goes. What happened was, he was in a church youth group and he lost his hat during the roller coaster. Afterwards, he was like, "I'm going to go get my hat." And there was a big fence with signs that said, "Hey, cut your losses." And he was like, "What? Have you SEEN me in that hat? Not today, fence!" So, he climbed that fence, and then there was another fence with a sign that probably said, "Hey, come on, knock it off." He was like, "You can't tell me how to live, signs!" And he climbed over that fence and there, the story ends. Did he get the hat? I'd like to think he did. That small silver lining, "Hey, I got my hat!" Then whack, right then! And I know he was on a church youth group and they don't believe in evolution, but that kid was going to get picked off sooner or later.

 
Daniel Tosh
 

Does anyone know an effective way of keeping rabbits out of a garden that does not involve building a fence? I have tried that already, but the rabbit will not sit still long enough for me to get the fence all the way around him.

 
Gene Wolfe
 

My parents -- we lived in Brooklyn, NY, we owned a house -- my parents were difficult people, they didn't get along with anyone. Actually, they didn't even get along with each other. So, on the one side were the Golds and on the other side were the Kasslers and they did not get along with the Golds and they did not get along with the Kasslers, so they built a fence. And it was within their right to build a fence. But, as everybody knows, when you build at fence, at any rate in New York, you first have to hire a surveyor. That's a fact, I'm not joking. You have to hire a surveyor and you have to make sure that fence is right down the line on your property because if that fence is literally one quarter of an inch on the Golds' side or on the Kasslers' side, they have the right to tear it down. Under law, that's it. Now, let's take Israel's wall. What happens if my parents decide to build a fence that's not only on the Kasslers' side but goes right around their swimming pool? Well, some people will begin to wonder "are Mary and Harry Finkelstein trying to protect their property? Or are they trying to steal the Kasslers' swimming pool?"

 
Norman Finkelstein
 

Oh, give me land, lots of land under starry skies above.
Don't fence me in. Let me ride through the wide open country that I love
Don't fence me in

 
Cole Porter
 

You go through the gate. If the gate’s closed you go over the fence. If the fence is too high, we’ll pole-vault. If that doesn’t work, we’ll parachute in. But we are going to get health care reform passed for the American people.

 
Nancy Pelosi
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