Tuesday, June 27, 2017 Text is available under the CC BY-SA 3.0 licence.

Noel Fielding


English artist, comedian and actor.
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Noel Fielding
I donít think Iíd have done comedy if I was born eighty years ago [...] Iíd have been a lord. Shooting people that were on my land [...] With a wig, yeah. And some crisps.
Fielding quotes
I think I should be in a [Disney animated] film called ĎSpace Shrewsí. Where I go to space. With a load of shrews. And nothing really happens. We just get out and have a lolly and then come back. But itíll be a musical [...] the ship will be built out of my own hair.
Fielding
In Edinburgh? I quite like the City Cafe. Because you never get served in there. And I like the idea that you can go in there for three hours and still not get your order. I think thatís quite funny. And then when you say ĎCan I have some food - Iím wasting away,í they have the audacity to tut at you. When thereís only four of you in there. Fuckers. They should all be shot in the face. Sorry. Iím only joking. And Iím really tired.




Fielding Noel quotes
[When asked about fake vs. real breasts] I have [felt fake ones.] Recently. Not on purpose, though. I don't mind either way, but I'm not into huge breasts. I prefer them petite.
Fielding Noel
I'd like to punch out a really old lady. There'd be no repercussions.
Noel Fielding quotes
I wasn't trying to be cool [by hating Coldplay]. I genuinely hate Coldplay*
Noel Fielding
I prefer women's company to men's. Men are very narrow and conditioned to behave in a certain way. Women are cooler about stuff.
Fielding Noel quotes
You must have stuck a finger up your arse at least once.
Fielding
[When asked if people think he and Julian Barratt are a couple] A lot of people want to think that. We found some gay porn, didn't we, Julian? [...] It was me sucking Julian's cock. Or was it him sucking mine? Anyway, it was really disturbing. So we may turn it into an episode in series three.
Fielding Noel
I used to suck [Smarties] until they were all white, let them dry, and then put them back in the packet and show my mum the Smarties with no colour on them.
Noel Fielding
That's the authentic punk dance. It's like a child dizzy on lemonade.




Noel Fielding quotes
I can't think of any song in the world now. That shows how I thick I am. Name of a song...no, pass, sorry!
Noel Fielding
I had a garter snake named Clayton.
Fielding quotes
Yeah, a lot of people think that [two men kissing is attractive.] My girlfriend is obsessed with it! When she gets drunk, she often tries to make me snog Julian [Barratt]. Or whoever is around.
Fielding Noel
[When asked how to keep men happy] Blow jobs.
Fielding Noel quotes
Let there be lamp!
Noel Fielding
I'm going to name drop like an idiot now, but Bono rang me up once, right? I don't know how he got my number, but I, ever so stupidly, and obviously thought it was one of my mates mocking about. So I was like, "Yeah, whatever." And it was him, but I even went to him, "That's not even a good Irish accent!"
Noel Fielding quotes
No means yes in grasshopper language.
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