Wednesday, June 28, 2017 Text is available under the CC BY-SA 3.0 licence.

Fran Lebowitz


American journalist.
Fran Lebowitz
Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
Lebowitz quotes
Should you be a teenager blessed with uncommon good looks, document this state of affairs by the taking of photographs. It is the only way anyone will ever believe you in years to come.
Lebowitz
The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.




Lebowitz Fran quotes
Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable expectations and eventual disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around the room with royal-blue chickens.
Lebowitz Fran
The terrible state of public education has paid huge dividends in ignorance. Huge. We now have a country that can be told blatant lies — easily checkable, blatant lies — and I’m not talking about the covert workings of the CIA. When we have a terrorist attack, on September 11, 2001 with 19 men — 15 of them are Saudis — and five minutes later the whole country thinks they’re from Iraq — how can you have faith in the public? This is an easily checkable fact. The whole country is like the O.J. Simpson jurors.
Fran Lebowitz quotes
"I don't believe in anything you have to believe in."*
Fran Lebowitz
There's no such thing as advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice, they wouldn't be lovelorn. You see, advice and lovelorn don't go together. Because advice makes love sound like some sort of cognitive activity, but we know that it isn't. We all know that it's some sort of horrible chemical reaction over which we have absolutely no control. And that's why advice doesn't work.
Lebowitz Fran quotes
"How do you know if your child is a writer? Your obstetrician holds his stethoscope to your abdomen and only hears excuses."
Lebowitz
I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake. What you don't know won't hurt you. Sleep is death without the responsibility.
Lebowitz Fran
Most of my news, I get from the radio news stations. One of the stations' advertising lines is "Give us 22 minutes, we’ll give you the world." In 22 minutes, they just have time for the headlines, so they can only really tell you what happened — which, by the way, is the news. They tell you how many people were killed in Iraq today, but they don’t then bring on some Republican senator to explain to you how that’s good. Or, on the contrary, they don’t bring in a bunch of Democrats to tell you why it’s bad. They just tell you what happened. That’s the news. I am capable of analyzing my own news. What makes these people qualified to analyze my news for me? No matter what side they’re on, I never agree with them.
Fran Lebowitz
Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is simply a good excuse not to play football.




Fran Lebowitz quotes
The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
Fran Lebowitz
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
Lebowitz quotes
Bread that must be sliced with an ax is bread that is too nourishing.
Lebowitz Fran
I doubt there’s ever been a true thing said on Fox. Maybe the weather report, maybe not.
Lebowitz Fran quotes
If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.
Fran Lebowitz
All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one's soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive — you are leaking.
Fran Lebowitz quotes
Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke.
Fran Lebowitz
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
Lebowitz Fran
Do not elicit your child's political opinions. He doesn't know any more than you do.


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