Monday, December 18, 2017 Text is available under the CC BY-SA 3.0 licence.

Craig Ferguson


Scottish-born actor/comedian and current host of The Late Late Show.
Craig Ferguson
Just a warning: If you're a bunch of sexy teenagers at a lake where other sexy teenagers were killed 30 years ago, leave! The guy in the forest with a hockey mask... maybe doesn't play hockey.
Ferguson quotes
Kids: If a bear is wearing a ranger hat, it's because he ate the ranger!
Ferguson
Sounds like a party at Elton John's house.




Ferguson Craig quotes
...or is it?
Ferguson Craig
"Laughter separates us from despair and gives us a chance at love."
Craig Ferguson quotes
I did have a love for literature that overpowered my hatred of the people who taught it, and I think because I had no respect for the teachers, their attitude didnít poison the writing that I was discovering for myself.
Craig Ferguson
Thatís the thing about terrorism Ė it works. Especially for the terrorists Ė they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying.
Ferguson Craig quotes
Welcome back, my naughty donkeys.
Ferguson
As a vulgar lounge entertainer, my business relies on ridiculous stereotypes! If these people start using deodorant, I might as well just go home!
Ferguson Craig
I'm TV's Craig Ferguson, please sit down relax and: "take off your pants"; "dip your hand into a bowl of warm water and fall fast asleep"; etc.
Craig Ferguson
[to camera] Excuse me for just a second. [walks off-camera, to studio audience] Shut up!




Craig Ferguson quotes
I enjoy bathing, as many Europeans don't.
Craig Ferguson
Time is only linear for engineers and referees.
Ferguson quotes
By the way, _____ was the name of a movie I accidentally watched in a hotel room twenty or thirty times.
Ferguson Craig
You don't say 'we're suspending the campaign'! You can't say that! We didn't sus-, you can't, it's the democratic process! We didn't suspend it for 9/11, we didn't suspend it for Pearl Harbor, we didn't suspend it for the Nazis, we didn't suspend it for the damn British! We don't do that in America! We don't! There's no suspending the campaign! Democracy first! First, first, first! First! Democracy, FIRST!
Ferguson Craig quotes
Like most sharks, Margaret liked to think of herself as a victim of the cruel sea.
Craig Ferguson
Being funny is a gift, and, when done well, is an art form.
Craig Ferguson quotes
Welcome back, my naughty penguins.
Craig Ferguson
Evil does not question itself. Only Hope questions itself.
Ferguson Craig
[to Rupert Grint] Look at the great city of LA stretched out in front of you, son: there's dangerous people living in that cardboard backdrop.


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