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[imitating a scottish person] (on Scottish money) I think you'll find pal, that's legal tender.

 

Michael McIntyre

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Every time I turn on the television and hear a manager from the lower divisions, they’ve usually got a Scottish accent. I don’t know the reason for that but let’s hope it continues. I like the philosophy of Scottish managers, they’ve always got this will to win and this work ethic, which I believe in.

 

George Graham

 

Scottish Guy heckled... "You're a bastard, Michael." ... Oh I might not be, but I know that's the first word of a newborn Scottish baby!

 

Michael McIntyre

 

The Scottish Communist is a much misunderstood person. When he is a true Caledonian, and not a Pole or an Irishman, he is simply the lineal descendant of the old Radical. The Scottish Radical was a man who held a set of inviolable principles on which he was entirely unable to compromise. It did not matter what the principles were; the point was that they were like the laws of Sinai, which could not be added to or subtracted from. When the Liberal party began to compromise, he joined Labour; when Labour began to compromise, by a natural transition he became a Communist. Temperamentally he has not changed. He is simply the stuff which in the seventeenth century made the unyielding Covenanter, and in the eighteenth the inflexible Jacobite. He is honesty incarnate, but his mind lacks flexibility.

 

John Buchan

 

I'm fed up with this Scottish waving of nationalism when it suits them. Alright, they're devolved, but I think they did this just to show the rest of us oh, that we are independent, we make our own decisions, and it's been very embarrassing for the rest of us. And it started me thinking along these lines, if Scotland wants to be independent, OK, be my guest, go ahead, do what you want and [Applause] please take back with you all the Scottish politicians - there's so many of them - you know - starting with Blair and Brown and Campbell, take them all back, and off you go, and go off on your own, because actually, we're all subsidising them I think, by way of benefits and all sorts of reasons, and if they want to show how independent they are, OK, thank you and goodbye. BBC Radio 4, Any Questions?, 20 Aug 2010

 

Ruth Deech

 

I got 2 Scottish Terriers because if you drink enough Johnny Walker products, eventually they'll just send you the dogs. And we got another 200 head of Scots on a little ranch in Wyoming. We got little monkey cowboys in hats and vests, riding Shetland ponies, and little toy guns...one of them's the sheriff. Cutest thing you ever saw. No, but I do have 2 little Scottish terriers and their names are Birdey and Bogey, and someone said to me, "Oh, that's cute, they're named after your golf game." I said, "No, if they were named after MY golf game, they would be called Double Bogey and Where The F**k Is That Ball Going?...Which is kind of a long name for a pet.

 

Ron White