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Michael McIntyre

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Scottish Guy heckled... "You're a bastard, Michael." ... Oh I might not be, but I know that's the first word of a newborn Scottish baby!

 
Michael McIntyre

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[Scottish accent] "We don't need your English bastard pounds! We're our own country, we'll have our own bloody money, eh?!" "Would you like your own currency?" "Ah, it's complicated mathematically. Let's just have yours with our photos, I think that's the best way!"

 
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[imitating a scottish person] (on Scottish money) I think you'll find pal, that's legal tender.

 
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Every time I turn on the television and hear a manager from the lower divisions, they’ve usually got a Scottish accent. I don’t know the reason for that but let’s hope it continues. I like the philosophy of Scottish managers, they’ve always got this will to win and this work ethic, which I believe in.

 
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I got 2 Scottish Terriers because if you drink enough Johnny Walker products, eventually they'll just send you the dogs. And we got another 200 head of Scots on a little ranch in Wyoming. We got little monkey cowboys in hats and vests, riding Shetland ponies, and little toy guns...one of them's the sheriff. Cutest thing you ever saw. No, but I do have 2 little Scottish terriers and their names are Birdey and Bogey, and someone said to me, "Oh, that's cute, they're named after your golf game." I said, "No, if they were named after MY golf game, they would be called Double Bogey and Where The F**k Is That Ball Going?...Which is kind of a long name for a pet.

 
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