Friday, April 19, 2024 Text is available under the CC BY-SA 3.0 licence.

Matt Thiessen

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Ouch... A Skittle just hit my eye.
--
After being hit in the head with Skittles at a concert in Dallas, TX during the 2006 Nintendo Fusion Tour.

 
Matt Thiessen

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Swem nie von liebe leit geschach,
dem geschach ouch liep von liebe nie.

 
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Kicked in the ribs, the press says "art" when "ouch" would be more appropriate.

 
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"Dammit, Skittles bag. How can you call yourself a rainbow of flavors when you're all green? They do this to oppress us, you know. He who controls the Skittle, controls the means of production. They know no one needs that many greens. Even if you like green, you can't like it that much. One day, Skittles, one day soon, there will be a reckoning. To each according to his ability, to each according to his red flavor need."

 
Brian Clevinger
 

If a player in the game of Deadman's Catch drops a skittle, he is obliged to suffer a succession of handicaps. First to catch using one hand, then to catch kneeling on one knee, then on two knees, then with one eye closed. If a player finally drops a catch with both eyes closed, then he is out and must take his place in the winding-sheet.

 
Peter Greenaway
 

Some people have a way of really getting up your nose, don't they? One such person is Mr. Anjem Choudary, a British-born Islamist with a very big mouth and some very harsh opinions about how people should live their lives. And he's been popping up in the media a lot recently with his pompous little voice and his bushy little face, so stern, so righteous, telling us all what a corrupt society we live in, while fully enjoying all its benefits. His latest lecture is that gay people should be stoned to death - yes, he's a real charmer. I don't know if he's going to be prosecuted for hatespeech for saying this - you know, the way a non-Muslim would be - or if the police think that upholding the law might cause offense and upset community cohesion; you'll have to ask them that, if you can find them. Meanwhile, Choudary wants beer-drinkers, like me, publically flogged - ouch, now it gets personal - and wants all women to be forced to dress like nuns, and won't rest until he sees the flag of Allah flying over Downing Street. You know, with such aggressive opinions, a man is bound to have some inner tension. Maybe he should relax with a few pints of cider and a packet of spliffs, you know, like in the old days, because we recently found out that before he became an Islamist dickhead, this guy was quite the party animal; alcohol, cannabis, casual sex, pornography, you name it and he sucked it in and blew it out in bubbles by all accounts. They say that there's nothing as bad as the enthusiastic convert, although it's a shame he's not quite devout enough in his new beliefs to have himself retrospectively stoned to death for that behaviour, and do us all a huge favour. It's fair to say this man is not well liked in Britain and if the government were sane enough to put him on a plane and dump him in the middle of the desert, where he rightly belongs, I bet someone orbiting in a spacecraft would hear the spontaneous applause eminating from this tiny island, because born here or not, he's about as welcome in this country as a fly in a kitchen, and he serves the same purpose: a poison spreading nuisance who makes people sick.

 
Pat Condell
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