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Anne Bronte

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"I perceive the backs of young ladies' drawings, like the postscripts of their letters, are the most important and interesting part of the concern."
--
Arthur Huntingdon (Ch. XVIII : The Miniature)

 
Anne Bronte

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When I got my salt scrub today, the woman doing it said “Yes, in fact about 30% of our clientele are men. But mostly, they are Divorced Rich Beverly Hills Ladies.” And I thought (not out loud) who were these ladies? These "ladies" were not born like that were they? Not destined to face lifts and peels, loneliness, tight lips and hard hair. No, in fact, hey were born free and beautiful and confident. And hopeful and anxious to find love. They only became Divorced Rich Beverly Hills Ladies because their rich husbands dropped them for someone more f**kable: maybe someone with long straight natural hair and thin legs who wears shorts and t- shirts with ease. Maybe a young photographer or writer. Someone interesting. No, the Divorced Rich Beverly Hills Ladies were too busy having and raising children, and too busy buying him gold toe socks at Barneys to become interesting.

 
Kathy Najimy
 

The little boy went first day of school
He got some crayons and started to draw
He put colors all over the paper
For colors was what he saw
And the teacher said.. "What you doin' young man?"
"I'm paintin' flowers" he said
She said... "It's not the time for art young man
And anyway flowers are green and red
There's a time for everything young man
And a way it should be done
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Harry Chapin
 

Put the date in full. It is another aggravating thing, when you wish, years afterwards, to arrange a series of letters, to find them dated "Feb. 17", "Aug. 2", without any year to guide you as to which comes first. And never, never, dear Madam (N.B. this remark is addressed to ladies only: no man would ever do such a thing), put "Wednesday", simply, as the date!

 
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Put the date in full. It is another aggravating thing, when you wish, years afterwards, to arrange a series of letters, to find them dated "Feb. 17", "Aug. 2", without any year to guide you as to which comes first. And never, never, dear Madam (N.B. this remark is addressed to ladies only: no man would ever do such a thing), put "Wednesday", simply, as the date!

 
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You know when a coupon wants to use letters in their phone number to be catchy? But often times they use too many letters. "Give us a call down here at 1-800-I-Really-Enjoy-Carpeting." It's too many letters, man. "Hello?" "Hold on, I'm only on 'Enjoy'! How did you know I was calling? I can see why they hired you!"

 
Mitch Hedberg
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