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Bob Monkhouse (1928 – 2003)


British comedian, actor and presenter.
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Bob Monkhouse
When I said I was going to become a comedian, they all laughed. Well, they're not laughing now, are they?
Monkhouse quotes
Silence is not only golden; it is seldom misquoted.
Monkhouse
Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.




Monkhouse Bob quotes
My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.
Monkhouse Bob
People who hadn't noticed me, or who had written me off as a game show host, started to reassess me. There were people who hadn't seen me as a stand-up artist and liked it. Suddenly I was in fashion again.
Bob Monkhouse quotes
I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.
Bob Monkhouse
I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.
Monkhouse Bob quotes
The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.
Monkhouse
I suddenly realised I could maybe occupy a different position because of age, a kind of acceptance.
Monkhouse Bob
I've always known that I polarise opinion. Some people respond with enthusiasm and affection. In others, I awaken a lot of hostility.
Bob Monkhouse
We used to say he had a computer in his head. His memory was astonishing.




Bob Monkhouse quotes
I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.
Bob Monkhouse
People always say: "You're a comedian, tell us a joke." They don't say: "You're an MP, tell us a lie."
Monkhouse quotes
I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative.
Monkhouse Bob
I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
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