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Cary Grant

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I used to hide behind the façade that was Cary Grant … I didn’t know if I were Archie Leach, or Cary Grant, and I wasn’t taking any chances. … Another thing I had to cure myself of was the desire for adulation, and the approbation of my fellow man.  It started when I was a small boy and played football at school.  If I did well they cheered me.  If I fumbled I was booed.  It became very important to me to be liked.  It’s the same in the theater, the applause and the laughter give you courage and the excitement to go on.  I thought it was absolutely necessary in order to be happy.  Now I know how it can change, just like that.  They can be applauding you one moment, and booing you the next.  The thing to know is that you have done a good job, then it doesn’t hurt to be criticized.  My press agent was very indignant over something written about me not too long ago.  “Look,” I told him.  “I’ve known this character for many years, and the faults he sees in me are really the faults in himself that he hates.” 

 
Cary Grant

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To give a person one's opinion and correct his faults is an important thing. It is compassionate and comes first in matters of service. But the way of doing this is extremely difficult. To discover the good and bad points of a person is an easy thing, and to give an opinion concerning them is easy, too. For the most part, people think that they are being kind by saying the things that others find distasteful or difficult to say. But if it is not received well, they think that there is nothing more to be done. This is completely worthless. It is the same as bringing shame to a person by slandering him. It is nothing more than getting it off one's chest.
To give a person an opinion one must first judge well whether that person is of the disposition to receive it or not. One must become close with him and make sure that he continually trusts one's word. Approaching subjects that are dear to him, seek the best way to speak and to be well understood. Judge the occasion, and determine whether it is better by letter or at the time of leave-taking. Praise his good points and use every device to encourage him, perhaps by talking about one's own faults without touching on his, but so that they will occur to him. Have him receive this in the way that a man would drink water when his throat is dry, and it will be an opinion that will correct faults.
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