Robin Williams
American actor and comedian.
Cheney shot a man in the face hunting quail. I don't know about East coast quail, but California quail are this fucking big. (indicates a position about a foot above the stage floor)
[spoofing Mr. Rogers] It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood... Oh damn, someone stole my sneakers. Let's do some wonderful things today, boys and girls; but first, do you mind if I take some more medication? It helps the day go a little bit slower. There we go. Now we're gonna do some wonderful experiments you can do around the house. Let's put Mr. Hamster in the microwave, okay?... He knows where he's going. BEEP! Pop goes the weasel! That's severe radiation. Can you say "severe radiation"? Oh, look, you got a little balloon now.
We were talking briefly about cocaine...yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!
And some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift, he's Jewish! Give it up!
When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, "Robin, you need drugs to live." I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer...
As beatific as Gandhi was, I'm sure there was some guy in a Bombay bar going, "I knew Gandhi...he was a prick. He was sucking down a pork hot dog, hitting on Mother Teresa. He kept saying "Who's your diaper daddy, who's your diaper daddy?"