Jerky Boys
The Jerky Boys Characters are the creation of Johnny Brennan, who is also the voice behind Mort Goldman and Horace in the unrelated TV show Family Guy.
"Hey! Get back to work before I give you a beating!" (from "Pico's Mexican Hairpiece")
"As long as my appearance wouldn't startle you- I'm carved from head to toe." (from "The Gay Hairdresser")
"I got me a funny little drinking problem." (from "Drinking Problem")
-What's the apartment number?- "1F." -S as in Sam?- "No F as in fuck baby." (from Signin')
"We have a little emergency here....We were boiling some potatoes and we dip them in vaseline, and shoot them at each other, and Peter was looking back making sure it was lined up with his ass, and it shot him right in the fucking eye!!"( from "Tennis Ball Machine")
"You do have any balloons that I can touch and lick?" (from "Rosine Like Balloons")
"(talking to a man in Florida, New York) Shit, I didn't know New York had a Florida. That doesn't sound right. I don't think you know geography very well, you're being silly." (from "Florida, the Tropical State")
"Who in the hell ARE you?" (from "Meriposa")
"He took foot and hit my ear!" (from "Pizza Lawyer")
"You're a little early, and that is very presumptuous on your part." (from "Flower Lady #2)
"What I would do was I'd shoot people's heads up with Novocaine and carve grooves in their skulls." (from "The Gay Hairdresser")
"I'm only scarred about the face, breast, chest, neck, and head. Other than that I look fine - a little makeup conceals everything." (from "The Gay Model")
"We call her Gimpy. That's not very nice but...what's she gonna do about it?" (from "Sol's Turnstile")
"Hurry up." (-any character being told to "please hold")
"How many pits are in a pear?" "Aah, two." "You know damn well there's much more than 2 pits in a pear." (from "Testing for Jeopardy")
"What do you cuss at me for, I need your help." (from "Pizza Lawyer")
"I wanted to move my penis around to the back side of my ass, because I don't know which way I'm swinging just yet. But I'd like to keep it just in case." (from "Breast Enlargement")
"Hello Sam? What are you doing?" (from "Bad Tomatoes")
"You sound like you got a nice pair of them fuckin' balogna tits on ya, huh Willy?" (from "Testing for Jeopardy")
"Do you have any lobsters?" (from "Rosine Like Balloons")