Jerky Boys
The Jerky Boys Characters are the creation of Johnny Brennan, who is also the voice behind Mort Goldman and Horace in the unrelated TV show Family Guy.
"Listen, he carved out a hole in the middle of the floor and he's building you a volcano. That's all I know. And you're supposed to come down with your flowers and make sacrificial offerings. And he's supposed to throw you into the volcano. This is all I understand." (from "Flower Lady #2)
-What's the apartment number?- "1F." -S as in Sam?- "No F as in fuck baby." (from Signin')
"You do have any balloons that I can touch and lick?" (from "Rosine Like Balloons")
"My wife's up there (on the roof) poking around like she knows what the fuck she's doing, I fired her ass off onto the fuckin car." (from "Roofing")
"I"m constantly slugging myself in the genitals." (from "Breast Enlargement")
"Whatever you need sold I'll sell it. Bring in a tank and I'll sell the fuckin thing." (from "Car Salesman")
"It's time for siesta, you're being silly. Bye!" (from "Mariposa")
"Is the Fat Muffin Man there?" (from "Paradise")
"This one time I gave this guy a haircut he didn't like, he kicked my fucking ass all over." (from "The Gay Hairdresser")
"If you can't whip out answers like that, that man (Alex Trebeck) is liable to, during a commercial break, punch your fuckin' mouth loose!" (from "Testing for Jeopardy")
"I used to be a seaman. Now I just put it all over my wife's ass." (from "Kissel Sails")
"See that shit, I play the flute too, in more ways than one too." (from Signin')
"My lover fell asleep with a cigarette in the bed and burned up all my ass and legs." (from "The Mattress King")
"Dammit, woman, you're not listening to me."
"(to a diamond dealer) I got some stones I wanna get rid of. I whacked a fucker out last night and I need to get rid of these stones."(from "Diamond Dealer")
Tarbash: "What does 'iconoclast' mean?"
Diane the Flower Lady: "I don't know."
Tarbash: "Then I speak English better than you. It means breaker of idols, icons. Iconoclast."
Diane the Flower Lady: "It's not a word."
"I smell bacon. Do you smell bacon?" (from "Bacon")
"I seem to be breaking balls or something." (from "The Need to Dance")
"Now I'm gonna be inclined to come down there and give you a shoe in the ass, honey."
"I used to bang broads like they were going outta style. Back in the old days you could bang 'em for about--10 at a time for a dime. We used to even make songs about it. (sings) Ten at a time for a dime, ten at a time for a DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME." (from "Kissel Sails")