Jerky Boys
The Jerky Boys Characters are the creation of Johnny Brennan, who is also the voice behind Mort Goldman and Horace in the unrelated TV show Family Guy.
"Hey, who in the fuck are you? You're a liar!" (from "Pico's Mexican Hairpiece")
"You know what they say- what's good for the goose is good for my grandkids." (from "Duck Cleaning")
"I'm his partner, I'm his lover for three years, don't you think I would know about the wedding? I mean what's the story?" (from "Flower Lady #2")
"I drive them big eighteen-wheelers, that's all. I'm an old cattle rustler... I'm an old dancing boy."
"You know how when a dog is crippled you put his back legs in a wheelchair? I think Willie the Jackass really puts a smile on kids' faces. I drag the ass-end of the costume around the park cause I ain't got nobody to fill that spot. The back legs are crippled." (from "Willie the Jackass")
Tarbash: "You know when you get out of the bath and your skin is nice and...open? You ever feel that way? I feel very open today, very much open."
Diane the Flower Lady: "I'll tell you what's open is your ASS!"
Tarbash: "That is open, too."
"(to receptionist) I got a little side job for you, honey. Get me someone I can talk to. I'm a very busy man!" (from "Diamond Dealer")
"I put a little ballerina skirt on the monkey and I beat him into oblivion. The crowd seems to love this." (from "The Gay Model")
"Me, I don't give a fuck. You know, a hole's a hole. As long as there's a little heat in there I don't give a fuck." (from "Testing for Jeopardy")
"I'll come down there and I'll slap your face." (from "Moonlight Matinee")
"I'll bring my children over, I carved the shit outta their heads too, but it looks good." (from "The Gay Hairdresser")
"Why don't I come down there and read that book with you? I can pet you, feel you up like you're my little turtle." (from "Super Gay")
"I wanna be a swimmah, a big time swimmah with my legs in the air." (from "Synchronized Swimming")
"We're casting for flat-chested tap-dancing freaks." (from "Diva")
"I heard that they hang you upside down and kick your face out the back of your ass. I also heard there's a little room where they heat up hot bacon grease and fire it all over the face" (from "Facelift Without Surgery")
"I don't even eat that shit, I lick that shit, and then I slappeded that shit right off my table." (from "Rosine Like Balloons" when referring to the lobsters)
"Who in the hell ARE you?" (from "Meriposa")
"I used to bang broads like they were going outta style. Back in the old days you could bang 'em for about--10 at a time for a dime. We used to even make songs about it. (sings) Ten at a time for a dime, ten at a time for a DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME." (from "Kissel Sails")
"Now I'm gonna be inclined to come down there and give you a shoe in the ass, honey."
"I seem to be breaking balls or something." (from "The Need to Dance")