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I've never killed a man, but I've read many an obituary with a great deal of satisfaction.
--
Variant: I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries? with great pleasure.
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Also attributed to Clarence Darrow.

 

Samuel Langhorne Clemens (Mark Twain)

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Every instinct that is found in any man is in all men. The strength of the emotion may not be so overpowering, the barriers against possession not so insurmountable, the urge to accomplish the desire less keen. With some, inhibitions and urges may be neutralized by other tendencies. But with every being the primal emotions are there. All men have an emotion to kill; when they strongly dislike some one they involuntarily wish he was dead. I have never killed any one, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.

 

Clarence Darrow

 

Mr. Kinski had died, and they quoted me in his obituary, confirming that he had a reputation as being difficult with directors. First I felt awful. You die and your obituary should list your accomplishments, and here I was trashing the man. And then I remembered what a mean bastard he'd been to me. This was just karma biting him in the ass. This was my revenge. But you know what I really wish? I wish his obituary had quoted me saying what a compelling actor he was, how great he was to watch. He really was great to watch.

 

Klaus Kinski

 

There has been a great deal of disinformation spread around the world about me, both from inside the orgs and outside; there has been a great deal of rumor and generally a great deal of it is untrue (some of it is true) and I thought that you might like to hear about some things from me and look me over and then you make up your own mind.

 

Ronald (born L. Ron Hubbard DeWolfe

 

Animals will be seen on the earth who will always be fighting against each other with the greatest loss and frequent deaths on each side. And there will be no end to their malignity; by their strong limbs we shall see a great portion of the trees of the vast forests laid low throughout the universe; and, when they are filled with food the satisfaction of their desires will be to deal death and grief and labour and wars and fury to every living thing; and from their immoderate pride they will desire to rise towards heaven, but the too great weight of their limbs will keep them down. Nothing will remain on earth, or under the earth or in the waters which will not be persecuted, disturbed and spoiled, and those of one country removed into another. And their bodies will become the sepulture and means of transit of all they have killed.
O Earth! why dost thou not open and engulf them in the fissures of thy vast abyss and caverns, and no longer display in the sight of heaven such a cruel and horrible monster.

 

Leonardo da Vinci