Jack Benny (1894 – 1974)
Born Benjamin Kubelsky, was an American comedian, vaudeville performer, and radio, television, and film actor.
Clyde: Then the animals lit fires to keep us away.
Bob: This is rather strange for me, I'm on the major network. [mouths ABC]
'Clyde:' Frightened. Why, you yellow-belly. Do you want to live forever?
Bob Crosby: That's like keeping the smog and throwing away Los Angeles.
Throughout Jack's violin solo at the Hollywood Bowl, the audience was glued to their seats. That was the only way he could get them to sit down.
Bob Hope: [on being on a CBS show] I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor at a P.T.A. meeting.
Cook: We have some breast of flamingo and gazelle steaks.
Clyde: I knew as soon as we got off the freeway, we'd run into trouble.
Liberace: Would you like to stay for dinner, Jack?
Perry Mason: Maybe my writers are better than yours.
Don Wilson: [Poking his head through the curtains] Bob, Bob, quick, give me Jack's pants!
Thug: You're gonna give us $10,000, or we're gonna break both your legs.
Rochester: It would help if you bleed a little.
Rochester: Well, it went down two points this last year.
For a man who was the undisputed master of timing, you'd have to say that this was the only time when Jack's timing was all wrong. He left us much too soon. He was stingy to the end. He only gave us eighty years and it wasn't enough.
Don Wilson: Because I had to give him mine.
Bob: [about Bing Crosby] He's up in Nevada looking over Boulder Dam - his piggy bank is filled. He's so loaded, you know, he uses Howard Hughes for a bell boy.
Clyde: Oh, we're not going to make that trip again, oh no.
Rochester: Yes, that's the spot all right. You almost had a heart attack when they laughed at Bob Hope.