Jack Benny (1894 – 1974)
Born Benjamin Kubelsky, was an American comedian, vaudeville performer, and radio, television, and film actor.
Jack: What kind of tiger is that - Siberian or Bengal?
Jack: When they laugh at one of my jokes... it just gets me right here. [Puts hand on heart]
Jack: I know, but peanut butter?
Marilyn Monroe: I know, Jack. But what about twenty-five years from now when I'm fifty and you're thirty-nine?
Liberace: What do we have for dinner?
Jack: No, I just want to reach 40.
Bob Hope: [finding some coins tied with string in Jack's trousers] When you ask this kid for a loan, and he says his money is tied up, he isn't kidding. This is an obstacle course for pickpockets.
Rochester: [checking his equipment] Shaving cream, brush, razor, smelling salts.
Jack: I can't understand it. On your show you always win.
Jack Benny: Does it have to be both?
Jack: Yeah, then we ran out of water. For three weeks we couldn't even take a bath.
Bob Hope: Let's not do any jokes we didn't plan on, eh.
Bob Hope: Why do you want Jack's pants?
Jack: Well, only if you have enough. I'd hate for you to run out to the zoo just for me.
Jack Benny: I'm thinking it over!
Jack: What do you mean, you think? Can't you tell?
Jack Benny: Where's that big glass star I told you to pack away last Christmas?
Jack: Don, you're hanging yourself.
Jack: What do you think of this card I wrote for Don? "To Don from Jacky, Oh golly, oh shucks. I hope that you like it, It cost forty bucks.