[narrating "Sex" by Madonna on tape]: I like my vagina. Sometimes I stare at it in the mirror when I'm undressing, and wonder what it would look like without any hair.
Phil Hartman
[About going upstairs to "kill his son."] So I say, "Your mother sent me up here to kill you." He says, "Uh-huh." So I looked at him. And I noticed that from here...[points to one side of his head and circles around to the other side] all the way around to here...there was no hair! I said, "Son?" Called him "son". "What happened to your hair?" He said, "I don't know." I said, "Son, take your hand and put it on top of your head and tell me what you feel." He said, "There's no hair." I said, "Right! Now, tell Dad what happened to your hair." He said, "I don't know." I said, "Son, was your head with you all day today?" He said, "Uh-huh." I said, "Was this the hairstyle you wanted?!" He said, "Uh-huh." I said, "A reverse MOHAWK?!!" He said, "Uh-huh." I said, "Did you cut your hair off?" He said, "Uh-huh." I said, "Well, why didn't you tell me that?" He said, "I don't know!" I said, "Is this the hair style you wanted?!" He said "Uh-huh!" I said, "A REVERSED mohawk?!" So I went back downstairs, and my wife said "DID YOU KILL HIM?!" I said "No!" She said, "Why?" I said "I don't know!!!"
Bill Cosby
Have you guys noticed that Madonna is British now? OK, let's talk about her lineage for a minute. Raised in Michigan, moved to New York, is British. She started turning British like at the Golden Globes and she was doing the interviews and she says "telly" instead of "television" and she uses the word "actually" way too much and then she's also sorta bringing her voice down to a register around here (brings her voice down) and she's being interviewed for the Golden Globes and she's got whole, you know, crazy hair that everybody hated and everybody has and they were saying, "Well, Madonna, we're so glad to have you at the Golden Globes." (speaks in Madonna British accent) "Well, actually, it is more fun to come here than watch it on the telly". You know. Look, I'm from the midwest- its a TV.
Kathy Griffin
I wore that because it makes me look beautiful. I stare at myself in the mirror and I think, "Wow, I'm really great-looking." ... I think I'm the greatest, anyway.
Iggy Pop
Helen Mirren: "The thing that was imposed on me from the outside was crude and vulgar and distressful to me, and disturbing - that big tits, blonde hair, Diana Dors, blowsy kind of thing. (But) I think Madonna got it right. Madonna claimed it for herself, and I've always admired her for that. I loved that 'Sex' book she did. I thought it was fantastic, because it was a big two fingers up, 'This is my sexuality, it's not what you put on me, it's mine'."
Madonna Ciccone
Helen Mirren: "The thing that was imposed on me from the outside was crude and vulgar and distressful to me, and disturbing - that big tits, blonde hair, Diana Dors, blowsy kind of thing. (But) I think Madonna got it right. Madonna claimed it for herself, and I've always admired her for that. I loved that 'Sex' book she did. I thought it was fantastic, because it was a big two fingers up, 'This is my sexuality, it's not what you put on me, it's mine'."
Madonna
Hartman, Phil
Hartnell, William
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