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All hell has broken loose. I admit our Russian is limited, but we can say hello, come in, you are beautiful, oh no you don't. … So in our pride we ordered for breakfast an omelet, toast and coffee and what has just arrived is a tomato salad with onions, a dish of pickles, a big slice of watermelon and two bottles of cream soda. Something has slipped badly.
--
On difficulties while traveling in the USSR (20 August 1947), in Steinbeck : A Life in Letters (1976)

 

John Steinbeck

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On Saturday, he ate through one piece of chocolate cake, one ice-cream cone, one pickle, one slice of Swiss cheese, one slice of salami, one lollipop, one piece of cherry pie, one sausage, one cupcake, and one slice of watermelon. That night he had a stomach ache.

 

Eric Carle

 

I'd like to stand up for the rights of people who put everything on their burger -- chutney, mustard, pickle, mustard pickle, tomato sauce... It is common knowledge in my family that I can't tell the difference between a veggie burger and a meat one, because the ratio of burger to pickles is so high. [either misquoted or mis-thought, since not to be able to tell would mean the burger:pickles ratio is so low]

 

Terry Pratchett

 

I went to a pizzeria, I ordered a slice of pizza, the f**ker gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the f**ker gave me the "donate it to charity" slice. I would like to exchange this for the "keep it!"

 

Mitch Hedberg

 

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! I did not come here tonight to make you laugh! I came here to sell you something! And I want ya to pay particular attention, because The Amazing Master Tool Corporation, a subsidiary of Fly By Night Industries has entrusted who? -- me! -- to show you! -- the handiest and the dandiest kitchen tool you've ever seen, and don't ya wanna know how it works! First you take an ordinary watermelon! You place the Watermelon between the patented pans! Then you reach for the tool that is not a slicer, not a dicer, not a chopper in a hopper! What in the hell can it possibly be? SLEDGE-O-MATIC!"

 

Gallagher (Leo Anthony Gallagher)