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I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

 

Daniel Tosh

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And I started wondering who he was going to be
And I thought heaven help us if hes anything like me.
He'll probably climb a tree to tall and ride hes bike to fast;
End up every summer wearin something in a cast.
He's gonna throw a ball and break some glass in a window down the street.
He's gonna get in trouble, oh he's gonna get in fights.
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep.
It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback if he's anything like me.

 

Brad Paisley

 

Ultimately, the main product being sold by human potential gurus is hope itself. It should be obvious that in itself this is not a bad thing. We all need hope. Without hope, there is no point in making plans for the future. Without hope, there is no point in working on a relationship or setting goals. Thus, insofar as participation in Large Group Awareness Training increases one's hope for finding one's way and for achieving one's goals, it is good. Even false hope may be better than no hope at all.

 

Robert Todd Carroll

 

If Mom knows that she isn't gonna receive welfare if she doesn't tell us who Dad is, y'know maybe she'll be a little more careful, maybe. Or maybe she gives us a list, say 'Well it could be one of five'. I mean, y'know, I don't know what she's gonna do, but at some point we're gonna see her cooperate.

 

Rick Santorum

 

I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand,
Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain.
He was looking for a place called Le Ho Fooks.
Gonna get a big dish of beef chow mein.

 

Warren Zevon

 

9:00: I don't know what I want. I just point at the Dollar Menu and say, 'Give me all of that.'The Absinthe Donuts Story.

 

Tucker Max