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The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need. My name in print. That really makes somebody. Things are going to start happening to me now!
--
As "Navin R. Johnson" in The Jerk (1979)

 

Steve Martin

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(When asked about the method for a trick where a member of the public answers a public pay-phone only to immediately slump to the floor as if asleep) I was saying ‘there’s fifty quid under the phone book. Just pretend. You’re on TV’.

 

Derren Brown

 

This annoyed me: I was on the phone with somebody today tryin to get a phone number from that person and write it down, but they didn't have phone number rhythm and that pissed me off. You know what I'm talkin about? Phone number rhythm. Especially if there's like an area code involved, like 'two one two - bum bum buh - bum buh bum buh!' That is the rhythm I think we're all familiar with. This guy had no clue! I was like "Okay, Hank. Gimme the number." He's like "Alright. It's two one two nine - fifteen eight eleven six [mumbling incoherently] fou.. tw.. five.. eight.. seven.. two." "Did you throw in your zip code? Cause I got a lot of extra numbers over here. I have extra. I can almost start a new number! What do ya got?! Start again from the top!" They really screw you up on the last four numbers. That's where they get ya. "Five five five - six.. teen forty one" "Dude, I already wrote the six! I made the dash too close, I can't shimmy the one in there now! Forget you!"

 

Kevin James

 

Your book contains direct analogies between us and the Hitlerite fascists. You book incorrectly describes our people, communists. Could we have won the war with the kind of people you describe? In your book you say positive things about religion, God, Catholicism. Your book defends Trotsky. You book is full of doubts about the legitimacy of our Soviet system.

 

Vasily Grossman

 

Dennis McCauley's Phone Number Is (private phone number) I called him yesterday, asking him to call me back at (Jacks phone number) so that I could correct an error (yet another one) in a story here at GP about me. But guess what? Dennis won't call me back. That's because he's not a real journalist, just a freelancer who is a biased video game industry jihadist.
Please contact Dennis and ask him to return his phone calls. Thanks. Jack Thompson

 

Jack Thompson

 

I went through every phone book in Africa, and I didn't find one god damned Pryor!

 

Richard Pryor