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Stephen Leacock

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The Lord said "Let there be wheat" and Saskatchewan was born.
--
My Discovery of America (1937)

 
Stephen Leacock

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While speaking in Lloydminster Alberta/Saskatchewan, he was asked "Do you believe in God?" Tim Buck replied "Do you believe in Santa Claus?"

 
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He brings man's freedom in his hands,
Not as a coin that may be spent or lost
But as a living fire within the heart,
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"Foote," (said lord Sandwich) "I have often wondered what catastrophe would bring you to your end; but I think, that you must either die of the p-x, or the halter."
"My lord," (replied Foote instantaneously) "that will depend upon one of two contingencies; — whether I embrace your lordship's mistress, or your lordship's principles."

 
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"I wish I had never been born," she said. "What are we born for?" "For infinite happiness," said the Spirit. "You can step out into it at any moment..."

 
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"'Better to rule in Hell, than serve in Heaven.' Eh, little brother-killer?"
"Suh-certainly, Lord Lucifer. Whatever you say, Lord Lucifer."
"We didn't say it. Milton said it. And he was blind."

 
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