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[Flying into Baltimore after 9/11] I didn't want to see some pacifist, vegan, whole-wheat, free-range, organic, progressive, gray-ponytail, communist, liberal, draft-dodging, NPR-listening wimp! What are they going to do if somebody tries to hijack the plane? Throw a Birkenstock at him? Offer him some pot?...I was hoping for about twenty-five NRA-loving, gun-nut, serial-killing, psychopathic, Ollie North, Norman Schwarzkopf, right-wing, Agent Orange, post-traumatic-stress-disorder, CIA, FBI, automatic-weapon, smart-bomb, laser-sighting bastards!

 

Sherman Alexie

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[On Iraq] These have got to be the most stupid people on the planet. "Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's have a war with the number one military power on the planet!" But we did have to face... their weapon of death. The Scud missile. If K-Mart were a weapon's dealer, they would make: the Scud missile. But it's kind of like a smart bomb. You just fire it out of the trunk of your car... and then turn on CNN to see where it landed! So it's kind of like a smart bomb!

 

Sam Kinison

 

Veterans of every war suffer Battered Man Syndrome in the form of posttraumatic stress disorder. The emotional consequences are also with them for years. But if a sufferer killed Admiral Zumwalt for ordering the spraying of Agent Orange, he would be convicted for murder. Men who suffer Battered Man Syndrome are not allowed to attack their abuser and call it self-defense.

 

Warren Farrell

 

I asked M.—why he'd turned down the offer of a particular post. “I didn't want a post where the office is more important than the holder of it,” he replied.

 

Nicolas Chamfort

 

I had killed over twenty before the German major said he would make them give up. I covered him with my automatic and told him if he didn't make them stop firing I would take off his head next. And he knew I meant it. He told me if I didn't kill him, and if I stopped shooting the others in the trench, he would make them surrender.
He blew a little whistle and they came down and began to gather around and throw down their guns and belts. All but one of them came off the hill with their hands up, and just before that one got to me he threw a little hand grenade which burst in the air in front of me.
I had to touch him off. The rest surrendered without any more trouble. There were nearly 100 of them.

 

Alvin C. York

 

I would never want to live anywhere but Baltimore... It's as if every eccentric in the South decided to move north, ran out of gas in Baltimore, and decided to stay. No one moves here.

 

John Waters