Woody Allen
American film director, writer, musician, actor and comedian.
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
Doris: You have no values. With you it's all nihilism, cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
Harry: Hey, in France I could run for office with that slogan, and win!
And how does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?
Death is a state of non-being. That which is not, does not exist. Therefore death does not exist. Only truth exists. Truth and beauty. Each is interchangeable, but are aspects of themselves. Er, what specifically did they say they had in mind for me?
I don't believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I bought her this handkerchief... and I didn't even know her size.
I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
Burt: Do you care even about the Holocaust or do you think it never happened?
Harry: Not only do I know that we lost six million, but the scary thing is that records are made to be broken.
Eternal nothingness is O.K. if you're dressed for it.
In this land of unlimited opportunity, a place where, to paraphrase Woody Allen, any man or woman can realize greatness as a patient or as a doctor, we have only one commercial American filmmaker who consistently speaks with his own voice. That is Woody Allen, gag writer, musician, humorist, philosopher, playwright, stand-up comic, film star, film writer and film director.
As a filmmaker, I'm not interested in 9/11 [...] it's too small, history overwhelms it. The history of the world is like: He kills me, I kill him, only with different cosmetics and different castings. So in 2001, some fanatics killed some Americans, and now some Americans are killing some Iraqis. And in my childhood, some Nazis killed Jews. And now, some Jewish people and some Palestinians are killing each other. Political questions, if you go back thousands of years, are ephemeral, not important. History is the same thing over and over again.
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.
Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.
She quarreled with the nanny and accused her of brushing Misha's teeth sideways rather than up and down.
The Devil: You want me to turn the air-conditioning on?
Harry: You have air-conditioning in Hell?
The Devil: Sure, it fucks up the ozone layer!
I have also reviewed my own financial obligations, which have puffed up recently like a hammered thumb.
Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?