Maddox
George Ouzounian is the owner of The Best Page in the Universe, a satirical website.
"The theme song states "YOU GOT THE POWER TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE... YOU GOT THE POWER TO MAKE A CHANGE." Wow, thank you MTV, for making me feel empowered and independent, like only a multinational media conglomerate can."
"I've got pissing people off down to a science."
"... the real reason ADD exists is because executives at pharmaceutical companies need to make their Lexus payments."
"Is someone you know anorexic? A good joke would be to tell them that they're fat. They'll laugh because anorexic people aren't fat. HAHAH"
"I can't go on, I'm going to go do something less painful like stick my dick in the oven."
"This car just looks terrible; it looks like it was designed by a blind child with arthritis. In a coma." (on the Honda Element)
"Notice the telltale sign of a man who has a penchant for boy ass: the pedophile-smile or 'pedosmile.' It's part smirk, part grin, and all molester. It's like he's having a two-for-one sale on rape, no refunds or exchanges."
"I've pissed higher than the tallest building in Utah."
"There aren't many things I don't want to experience in life, but the sensual caress of a parent going through mid-life crisis is one of them."
"I subscribe to an email service from CNN called "CNN Breaking News." Basically every time shit hits the fan, you're supposed to receive an email. Most of the "breaking news" I've received has been as earth shattering as an actor arrested for drunk driving. Wow, now excuse me while I change my freshly soiled boxers."
"This sounds like the soundtrack of a coma." (On U2's song One Step Closer)
"If people who look different don't necessarily think differently, which they don't, then aren't they essentially discriminating against them by "embracing" them as being "diverse"?"
"I've only had one dream in my life with kids in it that didn't involve me gnawing my feet off, and it had to do with kids doing my laundry."
"For example, the cover on the right depicts Lobo (also known as "the main man") kicking Santa's ass. Santa did something to piss Lobo off (or nothing, it makes no difference), and Lobo RUINED HIS SHIT."
"i hope that earns me some eprops (proper recognition in an electronic form lol) LOL LOL LOL!!!"
"The next time you ask someone how their day is going, expect, no, DEMAND a response. Don't settle for good. Demand the truth. Make them admit that they're having a shitty day, and then do your best to make it worse."
(introduction) "this page is about my opinions. if you disagree, you have a right to your opinion and i can respect that."
"Imagine finding out you got rejected from community college, then finding out that your alcoholic father got arrested for domestic abuse, you lost all your life savings in a Ponzi scheme, and all of this happens to you while you're on the space shuttle Challenger. Then you wake up and it's all a bad dream, except you realize that you're at work without clothes on, and work is NASA and you're really on the space shuttle Challenger. That's what this movie is like, only infinitely worse. Everything about this movie pissed me off, save for the lesbian finger bang scene. Except even that sucked because it wasn't in the movie."
"Okay, here's a tip: if you're doing something creepy like molesting children, you don't need to take topless photos of yourself to seal the deal. We know, the pedosmile is enough."
I have a different stance on abortion: I'm against abortion, but for killing babies. That way everyone loses, and I win. I'm neither pro choice, nor pro life; I'm pro you-shutting-the-hell-up. The only way I'd be "pro choice" is if it meant I could choose which babies I could abort, and only then if I could lift the age restriction to 80."