Maddox
George Ouzounian is the owner of The Best Page in the Universe, a satirical website.
"There are very few people who look good in red lipstick, and those people usually juggle for a living."
"Is someone you know anorexic? A good joke would be to tell them that they're fat. They'll laugh because anorexic people aren't fat. HAHAH"
"This car just looks terrible; it looks like it was designed by a blind child with arthritis. In a coma." (on the Honda Element)
"Kenley is alleged to have sexually assaulted her eleven-year-old stepson, then ditched out on bond. The FBI says Kenley has ties to Arkansas. Talk about trying to find a needle in a hay stack."
"Note that the name of the show is 'Trippin' ' and not 'Tripping' because the addition of the letter 'g' would not be consistent with the views of MTV's urban youth demographic who tend to frown upon linguistic formalities such as proper enunciation. I mean, proper 'nunciation, yo!"
"President Bush withdrew from the Anti-Ballistic Missile treaty. Good I say, global stability was getting to be a pain in the ass."
"No, I'm not a democrat or a republican. I'm just a guy who's tired of the bullshit."
(introduction) "This page is about me and why everything I like is great. If you disagree with anything you find on this page, you are wrong."
"The next person's phone I hear set to Vivaldi is going to need a hydraulic pump to pry their phone out of their ass."
"Finally when the movie started, I thought the bullshit ads were over, but no. First thing they showed was a "coke break" sponsored and produced by coke. [...] I paid $7 for a movie, NOT FOR BULLSHIT ADVERTISEMENTS."
"It was like Rambo sent them all Christmas cards, but instead of cards it was murder."
"What are the odds that a simple geometric folding of a $20 bill with elements of design that were conceived in 1928 by a committee of treasurers, a full 42 years before the World Trade Center even existed, could accidentally contain a representation of both terror attacks? Pretty good, apparently."
"What the hell is "partly cloudy" supposed to mean? When is it not partly cloudy? ... Just tune into a weather forecast. Chances are you'll hear the phrase at least 3 or more times."
"4 example the other day i saw a black person walking down the street and i was like "omg a negro" but instead of walking on the other side i said "what would rumsfeld do?" so i stayed on the sidewalk. when he came up to me i wanted to show him that i have no problems with people of color so i said "hey" and offered him my spare change before he could even ask."
"It's every man's dream to have a penis so large that he must hire a small boy to carry it."
"If you got caught screwing around on the job, you'd probably get fired, and so would I. Why should he get away with it?" (on Bill Clinton)
"I hate the help screen, I hate the options, I hate the card graphics, I hate the default window size, everything. I HATE SOLITAIRE."
"The earth's population is about 6 billion. At 15 minutes per person, that amounts to over 171,000 years we'd have to spend just sitting around watching people be "famous." To hell with that."
"u know what? i thought about it and ive decided that your right, i shouldnt make fun of people who get fast cars. please accept my apology.............. psych! yeah right homo."
"...'SummerGrl19?' Very clever handle by the way, the only way you could make it any more unoriginal or cliche would be to add the words 'happy, cute' or 'princess' to the name."