Lionel: Mrs. Simpson, don't you worry. I watched Matlock in a bar last night; the sound wasn't on, but I think I got the gist of it.
Phil Hartman
Lionel: And as for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state. Often as a lawyer.
Phil Hartman
How many watched the President's speech last night?
[half-hearted audience applause]
How many watched American Idol?
[thundering applause]
Okay, there you go! You get the government you deserve.Jay Leno
Last night, I felt like I wished I wasn't Chad Johnson. Last night, I felt like I wished I wasn't good. I had to keep from crying on the sideline because I wished I wasn't that good because I wouldn't be getting the attention I'm getting. I just want to catch the ball, that's it.
Chad Ocho Cinco
I disagreed with the grand jury on [Tawana] Brawley. I believed there was enough evidence to go to trial. The grand jury said there wasn’t. OK, fine. Do I have a right to disagree with the grand jury? Many Americans believe O.J. Simpson was guilty. A jury said he wasn’t. So I have as much right to question a jury as they do. Does it make somebody a racist? No! They just disagreed with the jury. So did I.
Al Sharpton
Jessica Simpson: "I think people are ready to hear something that Madonna used to do. We all need to hear that every now and again. It wasn't a sample or something I meant to do, but she did influence me and still does today. I hope to have the longevity of her career."
Madonna
Hartman, Phil
Hartnell, William
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