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You'll have to excuse my friend, Ryan. That's the first time he's ever touched a woman.

 

Kathy Griffin

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“Friend John, forgive me if I pain. I showed not my feeling to others when it would wound, but only to you, my old friend, whom I can trust. If you could have looked into my very heart then when I want to laugh; if you could have done so when the laugh arrived; if you could do so now, when King Laugh have pack up his crown, and all that is to him — for he go far, far away from me, and for a long, long time — maybe you would perhaps pity me the most of all.”
I was touched by the tenderness of his tone, and asked why.
“Because I know!”

 

Bram Stoker

 

"Do not f**k with Björk! Björk will beat your ass! ... I saw Björk beat this woman's ass one time in this videotape. She was in the Bangkok airport and she was pushing her luggage cart and this woman came up and just touched her and Björk went (roaring and hissing). And it was so scary, because you didn't expect it at all, because Björk is so cute. ... And Björk called the woman she attacked afterwards to apologize. 'I'm very sorry I tried to pull your eyes up over your head. Somebody must have fed me after midnight.'

 

Margaret Cho

 

Having touched Christ's feet is not an excuse for punctuation mistakes.

 

Fernando Pessoa

 

The First [Friend] is the alter ego, the man who first reveals to you that you are not alone in the world by turning out (beyond hope) to share all your most secret delights. There is nothing to be overcome in making him your friend; he and you join like raindrops on a window. But the Second Friend is the man who disagrees with you about everything... Of course he shares your interests; otherwise he would not become your friend at all. But he has approached them all at a different angle. he has read all the right books but has got the wrong thing out of every one... How can he be so nearly right, and yet, invariably, just not right? He is as fascinating (and infuriating) as a woman.

 

C. S. Lewis

 

I want to share with you a couple of the kinds of letters I've been getting ...
Dear Ysabella, My friend is hurting themselves. I'd like to know if I should tell someone about this, because I don't want my friend to be mad at me.
Ok, I don't care if your friend is mad at you — I don't want them to be dead! You need to spread the word — they've let you know — you need to talk to a family member you can trust of theirs, someone at school, someone at work — you need to talk to somebody that can get them some help. Because I'd rather they be mad at me and not want to be my friend — and alive — than anything else, ok?
... The second letter:
My boyfriend is hitting me ... how can I break up with him without being mean?
... Now, when someone's looking for a doormat, they don't care whether it's mean or nice — they just want to know 'can they wipe their feet on it?' ... The next time you see a little girl ... imagine if she was in the situation you are in. What would want for her, really? If that breaks your heart, remember in that moment that you are as valuable, and as cherished, and as loved, and as important as any woman on this planet. ... Stand up for yourself — don't be afraid to expect to be treated like a human being.

 

Ysabella Brave