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Yeshua's [Jesus's] mother was Miriam [Mary]... This is as they say about her in the Pumbeditha: This one strayed from [was unfaithful to] her husband... He is guilty as a beguiler who says, "I will worship (other gods),"... In the case of any one who is liable to death penalties enjoined in the Law, it is not proper to lie in wait for him except he be a beguiler... [as] they did to Ben Stada [Jesus] whom they hanged on the eve of the Passover... The husband of his [Jesus'] mother was called Stada [Joseph ben Stada], and her seducer Pandera [a Roman name].
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The Talmud, Mishnah 27:15, "Offenders Liable to Capital Punishment: The Beguiler to Idolatry" (ca. 200). Peter Schäfer in Jesus in the Talmud (Princeton, 2007) explains: "if the [Babylonian Talmud] takes it for granted that [Jesus's] mother was an adulteress, then the logical conclusion follows that we was a mamzer, a bastard or illegitimate child".

 

Jesus Christ

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There were also many women there, looking on from a distance, who had followed Jesus from Galilee, ministering to him, among whom were Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of James and Joseph and the mother of the sons of Zebedee.

 

Mary Magdalene

 

Holiness is not the luxury of the few; it is a simply duty, for you and for me, because Jesus has very clearly stated, "Be ye holy as my father in heaven is holy." So let us pray for each other that we grow in love for each other, and through this love become holy as Jesus wants us to be for he died out of love for us.
One day I met a lady who was dying of cancer in a most terrible condition. And I told her, I say, "You know, this terrible pain is only the kiss of Jesus — a sign that you have come so close to Jesus on the cross that he can kiss you." And she joined her hands together and said, "Mother Teresa, please tell Jesus to stop kissing me".

 

Mother Teresa (Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhi)

 

Holiness is not the luxury of the few; it is a simply duty, for you and for me, because Jesus has very clearly stated, "Be ye holy as my father in heaven is holy." So let us pray for each other that we grow in love for each other, and through this love become holy as Jesus wants us to be for he died out of love for us.
One day I met a lady who was dying of cancer in a most terrible condition. And I told her, I say, "You know, this terrible pain is only the kiss of Jesus — a sign that you have come so close to Jesus on the cross that he can kiss you." And she joined her hands together and said, "Mother Teresa, please tell Jesus to stop kissing me".

 

Agnes Gonxha (Mother Teresa) Bojaxhi

 

The Crusades were, "We kill you in the name of Jesus!" "Wait, we have Jesus, too! He's a prophet in our religion! We kill you in the name of Jesus!" "Do you? … Well, we kill you for your dark skin, for Jesus was a white man from Oxford!" "No, he wasn't! He was from Judea! Dark-skinned man, such as we!" "… Really? Look, we've come all this way. Would you mind awfully if we hacked you to bits? Just for the press back home."

 

Eddie Izzard

 

Jesus' Wife: "And where have YOU been for the past three days, Mr. Winemaker?"
Jesus Christ: "It's okay, I'll tell you...Not that's important or anything, but I was DEAD!!! I'M IN A FUCKIN' GRAVE OUTSIDE OF TOWN! I'M FIGHTIN' DEATH, HELL, DECOMPOSURE! I'M CHANGIN' SPIRITUAL FORM, ABOUT TO ENTER THE KINGDOM OF GOD, AND I GO "WAIT A SECOND! I GOTTA GO BACK BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN!"

 

Sam Kinison