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Scrub blood off the AF1 fifty two pick up first degree some toddler's smuggled tommy guns and crack into the nurseries dogg, there's a f**king baby at the door asking for wallets and those ain't twin beanie babies inside his pockets 2010 sonograms show the magnum's worn directly out the fetus evolution for the young killer convenience.
--
"Babies with Guns" from the album Bazooka Tooth

 

Aesop Rock

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I've heard on the news that they are thinking of putting microchips inside babies so that if they ever get kidnapped that you can track them on Google. But what if technology fails? Well here is my solution: next to the microchip, put a f**king detonator. Listen, if I can't have my baby, nobody can!!!

 

Dane Cook

 

For it's Tommy this, an' Tommy that, an' “Chuck him out, the brute!”
But it's “Saviour of 'is country” when the guns begin to shoot.

 

Rudyard Kipling

 

I saw Larry King and he was interviewing Pam Anderson. And it was really fun because Pam Anderson...remember when Pam Anderson did her hepatitis tour? Remember when she got hepatitis and then she did a press tour about it, because she is very conscious of woman's issues, and she went on Larry King and she's talking about it. Oh, and by the way, she said she got it from Tommy Lee, which, of course, she did. And Tommy Lee said she got it from a door knob. And...I'm sure that's at least what she got from Tommy Lee. I saw Tommy Lee at an award show two weeks before, I got crabs just from looking at him. So, anyway, she's talking a minute and then she had had her boobs reduced, you know, she keeps getting reduced and bigger and stuff. And then, Larry has the balls to say to her (imitating Larry King), "Aren't you afraid of that plastic surgery?" and, in the meantime, his ears meeting at the back of his neck.

 

Kathy Griffin

 

Lots of my friends have babies, but I don't have any babies. But I have lots of friends; babies don't have any friends. They all have those baby-monitors so they can hear the baby from the other room, which I consider a form of wiretapping. One day there's gonna be a really smart baby who makes a fake recording of some fake baby noises...gonna crawl out of the window and go to Italy. I need one of those baby-monitors for my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about. Sometimes I talk to myself fluently in languages I'm unfamiliar with... just to screw with my subconscious. It's a good thing a lot of people speak foreign languages, otherwise those people would have no one to talk to.

 

Steven Wright

 

From the standpoint of logic, a child is rather horribly perfect. A baby may be even more perfect, but so alien to an adult that only superficial standards of comparison apply. The thought processes of an infant are completely unimaginable. But babies think, even before birth. In the womb they move and sleep, not entirely through instinct. We are conditioned to react rather peculiarly to the idea that a nearly-viable embryo may think. We are surprised, shocked into laughter, and repelled. Nothing human is alien.
But a baby is not human. An embryo is far less human.
That, perhaps, was why Emma learned more from the toys than did Scott. He could communicate his thoughts, of course; Emma could not, except in cryptic fragments. The matter of the scrawls, for example — 
Give a young child pencil and paper, and he will draw something which looks different to him than to an adult. The absurd scribbles have little resemblance to a fire engine, to a baby. Perhaps it is even three-dimensional. Babies think differently and see differently.

 

Lewis Padgett