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"At times I'll be listening to him and I'll think, Oh, I wish I could call upon that expression the way he does. He paints the picture more beautifully than anyone who's ever called a baseball game." –Dick Enberg

 

Vin Scully

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"Vin Scully has the most musical voice in baseball. He doesn't have the clipped, old-time-radio cadence of most broadcasters who date back to the '50s and beyond. Although his timbre is thin, everything is smooth and rounded. The words slide into each other. He has flow. The melody rises and falls on the tide of the game. You can almost hum along to Vin Scully. He's often referred to as baseball's poet laureate, and those who don't get him parody him by quoting Emerson or spouting flowery language. But even though he will occasionally toss off some verse (he's likely to find the lyrics of an old show tune more apt) or call a cheap base hit "a humble thing, but thine own," the real metaphor for Vin Scully isn't poetry, or even music: It's painting. Other radio announcers can tell you what's happening on the field, and you can imagine it. With Vin Scully, you can see it. His command of the language and the game is so masterful that he always has just the right words to describe what's going on. He paints you a picture." – Gary Kaufmann in the Salon e-zine, 2000

 

Vin Scully

 

This presidential race is the biggest dick contest in history. "Your dick is indecisive!" "Your dick started an unnecessary war!" "Your dick didn't get injured enough in Vietnam!" "Your dick didn't even go to Vietnam!" "Your dick is soft on terrorism!" "Your dick started terrorism!" "Your dick blamed Vietnam vets for atrocities that made all vets unable to come home to a hero's welcome." "Your dick forged its way out of military service!" Has this kind of dick-waggling happened before outside of a pro-wrestling context?

 

Margaret Cho

 

[On 2 Live Crew] One song was 'Suck My Dick'. Not please. Not honey, do you have a minute? 'Suck My Dick'. Like soomething the Beatles coulda rolled out. "Hey, Jean, would you like to write 'Suck My Dick'?" "Well, I don't know, do we have time? Sounds like such a hard song to write." That was the song! 'Suck My Dick'! F**kin' album sold two million records with a song called "Suck My Dick"! Like the guy got up one morning and went, "you know, today I wanna write a song. Today I want to write a love song. I want to write a song that tells how a woman and a man feel when they meet each other for the first time and they fall in love; I want to put into words feelings that men have always had, but they've never been able to express. All right, I think I'll call this song..." [Pauses, then the audience yells "Suck My Dick"] Yeah. It's that song that's gonna be on that f**kin' Golden Oldie rap album in ten years... "Where were you when you heard 'Suck My Dick?'" Remember those old days?

 

Sam Kinison