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I play in a rock and roll band called The Rock Bottom Remainders. It's other authors. It's Stephen King and Amy Tan and Dave Barry and a bunch of others of us. We play to raise money for charities, because we're kind of a freak show, but we're not bad. I play a guitar and a mandocello... And since you don't know what a mandocello sounds like or how it should be played, you can say with some authority I'm the most interesting mandocello player you've ever heard. Anyhow, we're in this hotel and this maid comes in and she keeps looking at me and she smiled and she said, "I know who you are." And I said, "No you don't. Who am I?" And said, "You're Kenny Rogers." And I of course said, "No, no, no." And she said, "If you were Kenny Rogers you wouldn't say you were Kenny Rogers would you? So you must be Kenny Rogers." ... So that evening I'm walking along with my guitars going to the elevator and she went up like a skyrocket, "See! I knew you were Kenny Rogers!" So I signed her card, "Love and kisses, Kenny Rogers."

 

Robert Fulghum

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I want to be a Mrs. Kenny Rogers kind of woman. You know... the kind of lady he sings about: "Oh Lady, I was just scum in the sewer until you came along and made me a man." With hair that's light, but not really blonde, that would be too cheap. Instead, sort of a wheat-and-sunstreaked affair with not a lot of hairspray. A ninety-five dollar cut that looks like your hair just naturally grows out of your head like that. The kind of woman who always, no matter what, has that I-understand-and-am-knowing-without-being-threatening kind of always smile.

 

Kathy Najimy

 

Dylan… said, "Both Becky and Kenny need medical attention—"
"And a prison cell until their social security kicks in," Jilly added.
"—but give us two or three minutes before you call 9-1-1," Dylan finished.
This instruction baffled Marj. "But you are 9-1-1."
Jilly fielded that peculiar question: "We're one of the ones, Marj, but we're not the other one or the nine."

 

Dean R. Koontz

 

… We live in a world where John Lennon was murdered, yet Barry Manilow continues to put out f**king albums. God-dammit! If you're gonna kill somebody, have some f**king taste. I'll drive you to Kenny Rogers' house.

 

Bill Hicks

 

Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies … a mans lie is, "I'm at Tony house, I'm at Kenny house!" A woman lie is like, "It's your baby!"

 

Chris Rock

 

Nobody gets to designate the charity except Paul Eibeler. Can you read? Are you on drugs? Have the games fried your frontal lobes so thoroughly that even a "Dead Kenny" has more grey matter than you? Jack Thompson

 

Jack Thompson