Russell Brand
English stand-up comedian, radio DJ, television presenter, newspaper columnist, and sometime actor.
I saw a picture of Prince William, HRH William, in the paper today. He's going bald. I reckon by the end of next year he will be bald and I'm glad about that. Because of his playboy prince status and that, it makes me feel insecure about my own looks.
It's difficult to believe in yourself because the idea of self is an artificial construction. You are, in fact, part of the glorious oneness of the universe. Everything beautiful in the world is within you. No-one really feels self-confident deep down because it's an artificial idea. Really, people aren't that worried about what you're doing or what you're saying, so you can drift around the world relatively anonymously. You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from that idea that people are watching you.
In an infinite universe; eternal time, why just do what people tell you? 'ave a laugh; do what you want.
When my dad left, you know, I'd give my mum hell sometimes, but really she's the one that stayed, isn't she? Poor cow, she didn't need that kind of aggravation.
I'm waiting for something worth waiting for.
It's not really over. There's a little part of my brain that is: 'Russell, where are the opiates?' - 'I'm afraid we can't have any more opiates..' 'Why?' - 'You nearly killed me, didn't you?' 'Oh, that was just a joke!'
Let's look beyond the divisions of football teams and look at the unifying force within our souls... SEX!
If that's a euphemism - an egg and spoon race, - I'm probably gold medal class.
It's like Kilroy only talking about Big Brother and there's no racism allowed.
"Could you imagine a wand that was not camp? Could you imagine, for example, Ray Winstone, with a wand? (Impersonating him) 'RIGHT OK. IT'S A KIND OF MAGIC, SIT DOWN.' "
(after Noel Fielding has written "peep scarf" to describe a piece of muslim apparel) That's its proper name!
so when I was staying with him, he went 'alright, okay, so what time do you go to bed then?' and I thought 'fucking hell! he doesn't know what he's doing!! SHIIIIIIT!!' I went 'oooh, about, 10 oclock?', 'ah yeah, alright then'. YEEEES!! it's like the same feeling that as an adult I would get walking through customs with heroin in my bottom. 'I'm getting away with iiiiit!
I'm genuinely and actually a bit like Jesus.
Matt Morgan: [To Russell] How have you developed pectoral muscles when you barely do anything for yourself?
BNP Member: I am proud to be white, and I am proud to be British.
Brand: But you should find other things to be proud of mate.
[On chat-up lines]
Well, stick around love, cos I've got worse. The worst being, simply, "Get in the van."
I love the BBC, it's a gorgeous organisation and it's just 'cos it's got vaguely socialist state-run tendencies that people like bloody old Rupert Murdoch coat it off in the Sun, and it's gotta stop!
BNP Member: Listen, you told us that you wanted to come up here to make a politically neutral documentary.
Russell Brand: No, I can't be neutral mate it's too important, I'm not going to let you destroy my fucking planet!