Russell Brand
English stand-up comedian, radio DJ, television presenter, newspaper columnist, and sometime actor.
I like pressing that emergency button on bus doors to escape.
"I emerged from the womb, right, I was wearing a top hat and I had a cane and said: 'Mother, that was an awkward and embarrassing birth. You should be ashamed of yourself dear. Now pull your nightie down; that doctor looks salacious.' Then I trotted off outside, met up with Kenneth Williams and we both had tea, and we looked down at our dinkles with disgust."
If you're going to use 'theatrical' and 'bent' in such close proximity, you're going to give people the wrong impression.
That diamond encrusted goat's skull is the height of good taste!
Russell Brand: What did you say?
Trevor Lock: I just said 'ow'
Russell Brand: Oh yeah, that cleared it up. He probably sank to his knees at that point and screamed 'There is no God!' You probably made him renounce the clergy. He probably went straight off after that and had it off with someone...
October... Is that when there's conkers?
You know, the relationships we 'ave, everything sort of bubbles under the surface. No one ever says what they actually mean, do they? It's all a bit pappy and rubbish.
Noel Fielding's not in, Noel Gallagher's not in, I think the message is don't trust Noels! Noel Edmunds, deal or no deal? No deal Noel!
The whole thing stinks, Carr!
Should we stick with the Goth Detectives from when we won last year? Where's our trophy?
Spiral's views are so enchanting that when I heard them, I cleared off to Australia, strolled up Ayres Rock to the meditating Aborigines, pulled down my trousers and pants, polished my dinkle 'til it was as stiff as a pipe, prised its end open and shouted, "Lads, who wants a blow of my didgeridoo?!" They said they faced this ignorance from the white man on an almost daily basis.
I'll riverdance while that's happening, 'cause it seems to be what I naturally do anyway.
I don't like the idea of fruit being all turned on because of cream being poured on it. How then can you eat that fruit?
That's right middle America, I loves Jemus!
Is it Paul Mccartney? Is it Jimmy Page? No, it's Noel Gallagher, they look the same age!
This is Hollywood, mate. People bring chihuahuas round!
Hmm, wa'er! If, right, your body is 90% water what have you got to drink water all the time for? Why can't you just have some crisps?
Noel Gallagher looks like a mum's mate.