Russell Brand
English stand-up comedian, radio DJ, television presenter, newspaper columnist, and sometime actor.
Charles Ingram's views are so pugnacious that when I heard them, I went back to ancient Arabia, sauntered into Aladdin’s cave, said "Open, sesame," perused all the treasures and trinkets until I got Aladdin's attention, pulled down my trousers and panties and forced a genie into my dinkle's peep hole and shouted, "Aladdin, rub the lamp! You'll get more than three wishes!" He said he wished I'd leave his cave.
Oh no, my brain is broken.
After the revolution we will be broadcasting constant messages into a microchip inside your brains. It's gonna be great!
Let's send actual love to Robbie Williams. Get well England's Rose. One day at a time old bean. Ooh, those bloody drugs!
New York is basically a new version of York. But York just got a cathedral...
Cilla Black: What are you like?
Russell: A bit like Jesus but with an electric willy.
Karl Pilkington: And I was high up.
Russell Brand: I'm picturing you as a sort of vigilante Batman figure, looking down over Salford, to see if there's any crimes.
Karl Pilkington: And I was in my pants.
Rusell Brand: Again, like a vigilante Batman figure.
There's no shame in being second to Stephen Fry. Unless it's in a straight nose competition.
Blimey! Thank God my jeans are this tight- you could wear me like a puppet!
I like pressing that emergency button on bus doors to escape.
"I emerged from the womb, right, I was wearing a top hat and I had a cane and said: 'Mother, that was an awkward and embarrassing birth. You should be ashamed of yourself dear. Now pull your nightie down; that doctor looks salacious.' Then I trotted off outside, met up with Kenneth Williams and we both had tea, and we looked down at our dinkles with disgust."
If you're going to use 'theatrical' and 'bent' in such close proximity, you're going to give people the wrong impression.
That diamond encrusted goat's skull is the height of good taste!
Russell Brand: What did you say?
Trevor Lock: I just said 'ow'
Russell Brand: Oh yeah, that cleared it up. He probably sank to his knees at that point and screamed 'There is no God!' You probably made him renounce the clergy. He probably went straight off after that and had it off with someone...
October... Is that when there's conkers?
You know, the relationships we 'ave, everything sort of bubbles under the surface. No one ever says what they actually mean, do they? It's all a bit pappy and rubbish.
Noel Fielding's not in, Noel Gallagher's not in, I think the message is don't trust Noels! Noel Edmunds, deal or no deal? No deal Noel!
The whole thing stinks, Carr!