Riley Martin
Author of the book The Coming of Tan, which describes his life and his alleged abduction by aliens, and the host of The Riley Martin Show, broadcast on Sirius Satellite Radio.
"They can uh... set a headset on you, and download into your neurotronic syntaxes... uhhh various different... uh very complicated historical, uh and scientific equations and things of this nature... "
"I have greater things to do than talking to the golden fucking Jew."
"We have nothing to fear from the sky. If you want to look up, look up at Capitol Hill and fear that." (1/30/07)
"Dave, I accidentally turned on your show one night and then threw up all over a fucking couch... looking at your beaver-type face." (to "Evil Dave Letterman")
"Give Robin my love." (concluding voice message to Stern Show)
"If it was you, you will be hunted down." (threatening Richard Christy)
"I have better things to do than calling up, kissing the ass of the golden Jew." (when asked to repeat the previous statement)
"I have visually witnessed, in the physical, several life forms, intelligent life forms, aboard this great mother ship..."
"There are people, unnamed, in high echelon positions that I could call at this moment and tell them to nullify... uh, the fucking, uh, satellite radio industry."
"The mere fact that you are means you always have been and cannot stop being."'
"Now, uhhh, if I had called Tim Sabean and said, 'Tim, we have no food' he would have said, 'Fasting is good for your soul'." (talking about contract negotiations)
"During my nine-day visit with the Biaviians aboard the great mothership, I managed to, uh, get some Polaroid shots of the, uhhh, ships uhhhh, in broad daylight. These are smart bugs, five feet tall. However, when you learn the potential magnitude of their power coupled with the deductive scope of their reasoning, you are given cause, on occasion, for apprehension. The aliens said some people think they are gods and I told them listen man, you're no god! Not with that big Elmer Fudd head! I said, 'Tan (O-Qua Tangin Wann), if you like Stevie Wonder so much, why don't you cruise by his crib and zap him some eye balls?"
"[Why don't you come to my house]? And if you don't see the articles, I will bust you in your fuckin' beaver teeth." (to Gary Dell'Abate)
"I know that he, uh, has, uh, people to defecate in his mouth... uh, black dudes probably." (to "Evil Dave Letterman")
"Targzissians are obviously reptilian."
"I will check him out even if he returns in a Chevrolet, you know..." (referring to the mode of transportation Christ may choose for his return)
"So, yes, the ship exists, and it belongs to the reptiles." (regarding a UFO sighting)
"The Greenhouse Effect, the melting of the poles, tsunamis, poisoning of the water table, cutting of the rainforests, overpopulation, new diseases man-made and not, wars and rumors of wars, hatred, karma... uh.. devilism... necromancy... you name it, it will all come down at one time, and will be the battle of the dark forces against, uh... the good forces of the Earth."
"Chocolate candy! Uhhh, oatmeal cookies, oatmeal cookies! Soda pop! Orange soda pop! And we be eatin' like dogs, man. For a while, anyway." (talking about the wonders on board the Great Mothership)
"You're not gods 'cause for one thing... God ain't got no big head like Elmer Fudd." (to aliens)