Nigel Blackwell
Nigel Blackwell, songwriter and lead singer of satirical UK rock band Half Man Half Biscuit.
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Car crime's low, gun crime's lower,
The town hall band CD, it's a grower,
you never hear of folk getting knocked on the bonce,
although there was a drive-by shouting once,
but there's a brass band everywhere,
and I don't drive so I don't care,
and as a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square,
what is Chatteris if you're not there?
There's people who can't spell 'weird' right driving round with thousands in the bank,
but I get by, got a lot on my mind; I get by, got allotments on my mind.
No frills, handy for the hills, that's the way you spell New Mills.
Mention The Lord of the Rings just once more and I'll more than likely kill you.
When I'm dying for a cigarette, I think of all the free ones that I'd get if I killed myself and came back as a beagle, WOOF!
I know Bono and he knows Ono, she knows Eno whose phone goes thus:
"Brian's not home, he's at the North Pole, but if you'd like to leave a weird noise..."
The three men I admire most -- the father, son, and Mickie Most -- took the last train for the coast, to rendezvous with Peter Glaze, to kill Don Maclean.
There's no room for enigmas in built-up areas.
I'm off to see The Bootleg Beatles as the bootleg Mark Chapman.
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