Dave Attell
Stand-up comedian.
Things have been invented because of alcohol. Like the taser, okay? Yeah! The morning after pill, okay? The reach-around. Judge Judy. What has pot given the world? Hackey sack? YEAH! Hilarious ring tones? OH GAH! Ultimate Frisbee Championships? It sucks to be a champion at a sport that can't get you laid. It's an unneeded skill like, I dunno, being the best banjo player. Or a squirter.
Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.
Pre-mature ejaculation. Let’s talk about it. Pre-mature ejaculation. That’s a pretty fancy term for, “Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before.”
She was drunk so I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.