Craig Ferguson
Scottish-born actor/comedian and current host of The Late Late Show.
[with a fist-shake] Take that, ____.
I dont know how to add things to my own wikipedia page.
Craig Ferguson: Do you do therapy?
Hugh Laurie: I see a gentleman once a week.
Craig Ferguson: I love it, I'm a great convert.
Hugh Laurie: Therapy?
Craig Ferguson: No, just seeing a gentleman once a week.
There are bound to be some lies here, but I’ve been telling them so long they’ve become truth, my truth, as close as I can get to what really happened.
Between safety and adventure I choose adventure.
Allowances can always be made for your friends to disagree with you. Disagreement, vehement disagreement, is healthy. Debate is impossible without it. Evil does not question itself. Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken.
I'm a vulgar lounge entertainer, I don't need to wear a tie.
[referring to a suggestive comment aimed at the audience] You too, ladies.
It's a great day for America, everybody.
Change is the nature of God’s mind, and resistance to it is the source of great pain.
It's all about the triumph of intellect and romance over brute force and cynicism.
You know who doesn't like _____? Al-Qaeda!
You die alone in your house, and your cat will eat you.
[bends over] *errgh* Sorry for making that noise, but … that's what happens when you get older. One day what happens is that you bend over, and you never come back.
"He's quiet as well, especially if you stalk him."
Appear tougher or cooler or funnier than you feel and there is a chance you’ll make it.
I view my own body as a petting zoo. I am the main attraction... And the only customer.
By the way, _____ was a name I used to dance under.
[to camera] Excuse me for just a second. [walks off-camera, to studio audience] Shut up!