Bob Monkhouse (1928 – 2003)
British comedian, actor and presenter.
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When I said I was going to become a comedian, they all laughed. Well, they're not laughing now, are they?
Silence is not only golden; it is seldom misquoted.
Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.
My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.
People who hadn't noticed me, or who had written me off as a game show host, started to reassess me. There were people who hadn't seen me as a stand-up artist and liked it. Suddenly I was in fashion again.
I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.
I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers.
The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.
I suddenly realised I could maybe occupy a different position because of age, a kind of acceptance.
I've always known that I polarise opinion. Some people respond with enthusiasm and affection. In others, I awaken a lot of hostility.
We used to say he had a computer in his head. His memory was astonishing.
I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.
People always say: "You're a comedian, tell us a joke." They don't say: "You're an MP, tell us a lie."
I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative.
I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
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