Alison Bechdel
American cartoonist.
Mo: Toni, come on! I know you're in a lot of pain, but you hafta look at the grand scheme of things! Listen, the environment is polluted beyond the point of no return, nickels and dimes are allocated for AIDS research while billions go into radar systems for blowing up civilians in the Persian Gulf, and we've got to spend the next two months being assaulted with hypocritical hype as two morally bankrupt white boys gear up for another electoral farce! Having a rough time in your relationship kinda pales in comparison, huh?
Toni: Gee, Mo... thanks. I can always count on you.
Ginger: Oh, jeez. Well, uh... maybe you should talk to someone.
Cynthia: I thought I was.
Raffi: Well, um, Taylor said only girls wear nail polish and so I, so I said but I'm a boy and I'm wearing nail polish, and so you're wrong!
Clarice: Raffi, I'm proud of you! That was a very smart thing to say!
Raffi: And then I kicked him.
Sparrow: Oh my God. I'm a trained professional. I can't believe I didn't see it sooner! The mind games... the use of isolation... the accusations about being unfaithful... the obsessive keeping track... preventing the other person from getting a job... Stuart, we're in an abusive relationship with the Bush administration!
Sparrow: Listen, Mo. I have been doing crisis intervention with battered, homeless women and kids all week long. Tonight, I am going to vegetate in front of the TV. If you're so worried about Bosnia, go join the Red Cross.
Mo: Thank you, Jillian, for that fascinating, uh, transsexual version of the Oedipus legend, "Oedipal Complex."
Clarice: [proposing to Toni] I'll be your lawyer if you'll be my accountant.
Lois: Oh, you guys have enough to worry about with your careers and all. You don't need to hear about my problems.
Ginger: Are you kidding? I'd much rather hear about your problems than work on my dissertation.
Lois: Thank you, Ginger. Considering you'd rather fellate Bill Clinton than work on your dissertation, that's very generous.
Ginger: I can't do this, Lois! I can't go out with a woman who has a child! I'm too young, I tell you! I haven't sown my oats yet!
Lois: I think your oats are impacted.
Raffi: I can too marry Stone Cold Steve Austin when I grow up!
Bill: Clarice, what are you teaching this kid?
Bill Jr.: You can not, 'cause I'm gonna marry him, and we're gonna kick your butt!
Lois: Good coffee, huh?
Emma: Lois, I think you're a very attractive woman and I'd like to sleep with you.
Lois: [chokes] Gak! Ahem! You don't - coff - fool around, do you?
Emma: No, but I'd like to.
Sparrow: If you'd get a vasectomy, we wouldn't have to go through this every time.
Stuart: But... but you know I want to have a baby eventually.
Sparrow: So make some deposits at a sperm bank first. Then we can inseminate like normal people when we're ready.
Ginger: [hauling Clarice up stairs in a wheelchair]: This ivory tower needs some ramps!
Clarice: What are you saying, Ginger?! Build ramps and anyone could get up!! The whole school would be overrun by black commie dykes in wheelchairs! Really, now!
Mo: Ginger, how can you think about sex at a time like this? Madmen are about to destroy the earth!
Ginger: Can you think of a better time? I don't know about you, girl, but I want to have a G-spot orgasm before Armageddon hits.
Mo: I miss the good old days. Smash the family! Smash the state!
Sydney: What about Clarice and Toni and Raffi? D'you want to smash their family?
Mo: Please, Sydney. I'm expressing an ideological conviction, not talking about real people.
Mo: The man's clearly a sex addict. He's out of control. Lying, suborning perjury...
Sydney: It's this puritanical culture that's the problem. Do people really expect someone with the ruthless lust for power it takes to become president to spend evenings at home with his stamp collection?
Mo: Oh, please! You wouldn't be quite so indulgent if it was Newt Gingrich getting blowjobs in the Oval Office.
Sydney: Thank you for that image.
Jezanna: Workers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your chain store jobs!
Cynthia: To be honest, I've been rethinking things lately. I mean, I'm still a Christian, but I'm definitely transitioning.
Janis: Really? Is your mom letting you do hormones? Mine won't.
Of course I’m delighted that Fun Home has met with such success, but it still strikes me as very unlikely that an odd, cerebral story about a lesbian and her closeted gay suicidal mortician father would have struck a chord with anyone but me.
Lois: You're never gonna meet anyone hanging around here with the tactical nuclear family.