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I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, "Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!"

 

Larry the Cable Guy

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"It's this accursed science," I cried. "It's the very Devil. The medieval priests and persecutors were right and the Moderns are all wrong. You tamper with it—and it offers you gifts. And directly you take them it knocks you to pieces in some unexpected way. Old passions and new weapons—now it upsets your religion, now it upsets your social ideas, now it whirls you off to desolation and misery!"

 

H. G. (Herbert George) Wells

 

On the bus going home I heard a most fascinating conversation between an old man and woman. "What a thing, though," the old woman said. "You'd hardly credit it." "She's always made a fuss of the whole family, but never me," the old man said. "Does she have a fire when the young people go to see her?" "Fire?" "She won't get people seeing her without warmth." "I know why she's doing it. Don't think I don't," the old man said. "My sister she said to me, 'I wish I had your easy life.' Now that upset me. I was upset by the way she phrased herself. 'Don't talk to me like that,' I said. 'I've only got to get on the phone and ring a certain number,' I said, 'to have you stopped.'" "Yes," the old woman said, "And you can, can't you?" "Were they always the same?" she said. "When you was a child? Can you throw yourself back? How was they years ago?" "The same," the old man said. "Wicked, isn't it?" the old woman said. "Take care, now" she said, as the old man left her. He didn't say a word but got off the bus looking disgruntled.

 

Joe Orton

 

A buddy of mine was mad at his son the other day 'cause he got caught having sex with his teacher. I thought, "Hey, that's pretty cool!" Problem was, he was home-schooled.

 

Larry the Cable Guy

 

I set up the Orchestra in 1939. I had had my supporters by that time and they used to follow me and scream during my shows. I used to like it, but said to myself: "be humble Osvaldo, don't be arrogant." There were sometimes I was in prison and a cousin of mine (a policeman) used to replaced me on the piano.

 

Osvaldo Pugliese

 

I set up the Orchestra in 1939. I had had my supporters by that time and they used to follow me and scream during my shows. I used to like it, but said to myself: "be humble Osvaldo, don't be arrogant." There were sometimes I was in prison and a cousin of mine (a policeman) used to replaced me on the piano.

 

Osvaldo Pugliese