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[M]y buddy Ron (Tater Salad) White talks about drinking my dip cup accidentally to swallow some aspirin. I was there when it happened and laughed my ass off. Was he amused? Of course not, but since it wasn't me drinkin' week-old Skoal spit it was downright comical!

 

Larry the Cable Guy

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A boy named Buddy came up beside me in the schoolyard. I don't remember what passed as prologue, but I do not forget what Buddy divulged to me: If you're white, you're all right; If you're brown, stick around; If you're black, stand back.
It was as though Buddy had taken me to a mountaintop and shown me the way things lay in the city below.

 

Richard Rodriguez

 

I like to keep the inside of the house between 70 and 75 degrees. My ex-wife liked to keep the inside of the house between 75 and a hundred and f**kin' ten. And you can't keep Tater Salad at that temperature.

 

Ron White

 

Thus, seamed with many scars
Bursting these prison bars,
Up to its native stars
My soul ascended!
There from the flowing bowl
Deep drinks the warrior's soul,
Skoal! to the Northland! skoal!
—Thus the tale ended.

 

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

 

I was on a plane, and the steward was coming down the aisle. "Asian chicken salad...Asian chicken salad...Asian chicken salad..." And he gets to me and he's like, "...chicken salad!" What does he think I'm gonna do? "Dis is not de salad of my people! In my homeland, dey use mandarin orange slices...and crispy wonton crunches!"

 

Margaret Cho

 

This nervous chuckling and mocking of a guy who speaks the truth, the man who told you the truth more than any other in those debates, who wasn't afraid to make enemies and tell the truth, was Ron Paul. And they laughed at him: "he deserves to be laughed at". No Mitt Romney, you deserve to be laughed at, you elitist, oh I can't use the word.

 

Ron Paul